Kaon! Food!

"Thou shall not weigh more than thy refrigerator." Whadda Christmas greeting! Whoever created this one, he's such a funny person! Downright witty too! During holidays, with all the parties and food, read unhealthy food (ham, spaghetti, lechon, etc.) who wouldn't gain pounds?!

Tonight, my family was just looking for something unfatty to eat. We stopped by at Chowking Redemptorist right after sending my friend Chada to the airport. I ordered Chicken Congee! Murag gihilantan noh?! hehehe... But who cares! I love it! I love "lugaw" so much! hehehe...

Gifts

Christmas can be a stressful event in our life. Imagine, you have to give everyone (your friends, relatives and associates) gifts. Imagine all the parties! Imagine all the spendings that go with them.
I have to make sure that my inaanaks (godchildren) will have gifts this Christmas and I have to do that with such limited budget. I have bought their gifts already. And I believe I wasn't really extravagant. I set a limit of Php200 per child. Well, I exceeded on some but I was also a bit skimpy on the others.
For my closest friends and neighbors, I made them something personal. I didn't realize it could be so tiresome making them. But then, this is the most beautiful gift I have given them. It's something I made, something personal, created with sweat and every ounce of morning energy!

don't expect from people (a fruitful afternoon at National Bookstore)

Yesterday, while waiting for my sister at the mall, I went to National Bookstore, one of my favorite places, and browsed over books (and yes, did a little reading). If I just had all the money in the world, I'd have bought all the books that took my fancy. Unfortunately, I can only afford to read bits and portion of them. Anyway, I saw this book about how to make friends. I forgot the title and the author of the book. I'm just sure it was a bestseller and was written by a famous and bestselling author. :)
It was surely a good read. I was hit in the head when it said, don't expect much from people but care much for them. Do good to them but don't expect anything in return so you won't be disappointed. Anyway, whatever you have done to others will surely come back to you, maybe not in ways you expected. To win friends, you should also be a friend to yourself. Like yourself. Appreciate yourself. Make yourself lovable and don't believe that someone else can make you do that. You don't need a boyfriend/girlfriend to make yourself gorgeous, or to feel good about yourself. You yourself have to do that.
Gosh! I feel like I'm just giving myself a pep talk. Honestly, I really need to appreciate myself and feel beautiful! :)
The book is undoubtedly interesting, fun, and very true. Once you start reading it, you won't be able to put it down.
Hmmm... I'm probably going to get a copy of that soon. Or maybe, this one is cheaper, visit National Bookstore once again and continue my reading... No one will probably notice I'm doing a "free reading". I'll stop every 5 minutes. Walk farther and then go back after some time. ;-) Tell me this is a good idea!

how disheartening

What do you feel when people ignore you?
I just felt so bad tonight. I was ignored by someone who I never thought could do something like that. I am just disappointed and I feel so bad about it that I can't help but write my disappointment. I am soooo disappointed in you!!!
I hate it.
I don't want to ever talk to you again!
I thought friends are suppose to act as friends. Give a little respect. Say goodbye and not just log out on you!
Hahaay! People can sometimes disappoint you. Sometimes they act in ways you don't comprehend. So it's better if you don't expect anything from them at all.
Okay... I have let it out... I think I'm okay now...
Thank you my dear blog. It's good to have you. It's good to have you listen to my shout outs and ramblings about people.

a morning with the sped people (12-09-06)

it was nice spending time with them...dancing with them, talking to them, playing with them, taking photos... and watching them dance, sing and recite poems.

it made me realize how blessed i am. and made me realized that whatever we have, we have to be grateful. it's not really with what you and i have in this life that matters but what we are able to do with it.

these guys have special gifts...although different they are, they still need as much love and care we give to "normal" people.

thanks to you guys, SPED class in Bulacao Community School. :)

Aeta teacher in ‘Manoro’ says acting was a breeze

Aeta teacher in ‘Manoro’ says acting was a breeze
Posted by: "CINEMANILA 2006" mailto:cinemanila2006@yahoo.com?Subject=cinemanila2006

Thu Nov 23, 2006 1:36 pm (PST)

Aeta teacher in ‘Manoro’ says acting was a breeze By Tonette OrejasInquirerLast updated 10:03pm (Mla time) 11/22/2006Published on Page E2 of the November 23, 2006 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer ANGELES CITY—They scrounged for money because they had little financial support, tackled an unconventional theme and worked with an all-Aeta cast in a mountain village.Call it pure luck—or faith. All the risks taken by director Brillante Mendoza and producer Ferdinand Lapuz have paid off. The film, “Manoro,” bagged the CinemAvvenire Prize at the 24th Torino International Film Festival in Turin, Italy, on Nov. 18. The award is handed out by a jury composed of 15 young people and journalists. Exactly a week before, it won Best Director and Best Picture in the Digital Lokal competition of the 8th Cinemanila International Film Festival.“Manoro” is also the country’s entry to the Festival of Three Continents in Nantes, France, set later this month, according to the co-producer, Holy Angel University Center for Kapampangan Studies.In the mountain community of Sitio Target, there is palpable thrill and pride over this harvest of awards and the film’s international exposure. The village, located in Barangay Sapang Bato here, was the setting of the film, shot just weeks before the 2004 elections.“We all feel fulfilled and happy,” 16-year-old Jonalyn Ablong, who played herself as the lead character, told the Inquirer on Monday.“Balamu mu minyambut kami rin (It’s as if we also won),” said Tess Pan, community coordinator during the film production.The Nov. 11 awards rites in Malacañang, which Pan and some cast members attended, was the subject of lively chatter in the village. Pan said they were laughing about their near-failure to enter the Palace “because most of us just wore slippers.”

Amused, seated among a group of girls and women during the interview, Ablong looked amused at the mention of the word artista, which she has been called since making the movie.She was 14, fresh out of Grade 6 at the time. She said her role, that of a “manoro”—a teacher who taught voters in her tribe how to read, write and count—did not depart from what she did in real life.“Before we started shooting, I was already doing literacy classes for relatives,” she said. “It was not new to me.”Education is highly valued in Target, southwest of the former Clark Air Base, now the Clark Special Economic Zone.

Pan said that when the elders returned to the village in 1998—after living in Nueva Ecija for seven years following Mt. Pinatubo’s 1991 eruptions—among the first structures they rebuilt was an elementary school.RewardAblong was a member of the cultural troupe that depicted, in dances and rituals, the displacement of the Aetas and their aspirations.Carol, Ablong’s mother, was a product of adult literacy classes conducted by Benedictine nuns. She said she had passed on to her daughters her love of learning.

The movie followed Jonalyn, as the manoro, at work in Target and its satellite villages Kalang, Third, Fourth and First Camps at the volcano’s foothills.She taught the elders how to write the initials of the candidates, like “GMA” and “FPJ.”No one in the cast was recognized for acting, Pan said, but it was enough reward that they were all involved in the film.

Lemon Grass

Just a pic of me feasting on good Thai/Viet food... sooo goood, sooo yummy...try Lemon Grass in Ayala. :)

To Love Again

I long to love again... can you tell me how to satisfy this longing? It's been a long while and I'm raring to love again...but the song by U-turn isn't about this...it's about how hard it is to love again after getting devastated, hurt, and all that pain and ugly feelings...Anyway, here is a song by U-turn... i just love the melody...;-)

Radio’s fine
It helps me forget for awhile
I look back and recall
Those days I had with you
Sometimes I need a friend
Just to make it through
Another day without you

You gave me all the reasons to live
Then you had to go
And I just got to let you know
Its hard to love again
Just to make it through
Another day spent without you

[chorus]
And I don’t want to go on pretending
That its going to be a happy ending
If I should love again
Once I’ve learned to love again
And, no, it will never be the same
Without you baby
This pain inside me is driving me crazy
‘Cause, its hard to love again

Friends are great
They cheer me up for sometime
When the day is done
My mind is back again with you
Oh God, I need a friend
Just to make it through
Another day spent without you

[repeat chorus ’til fade]

Our pet goat

Here are pics (using my new Canon IXUS) of our goat. I'm not sure if it's a pet. But it has been with us for months already. It was a gift from my papa's friend. It was a very thin goat when it was given and right now, it has ballooned. We do plan to sell the goat but then there are no buyers...
So goatie, kambing, mehh, behave yourself while with us. :)

Ang Pasko sa Usa ka Pala-utang

To have some savings from my bonus and 13th month, I will cut down on my Christmas expenses which means (1) gifts to my godchildren will be cheaper this year than last year, (2) I won't buy myself any expensive gift coz I already have my digicam, (3) set aside just ??,???.?? for savings (a must!!!) (2) gifts to my siblings and others shall also be in minimal amounts (Sorry, guys, I'm practicing austerity this Christmas).

I really really want to save. And I really want to get out of credit card debt. Yes I really need to...that digicam is my last credit card purchase! Promise! :)

My First Digital Camera

Hey! I now have my own digital camera. My first. My baby.
It took so long for me to get one. Well, I'm no rich gurl. I didn't even bought this one in cold cash. I bought this with the use of my Citibank credit card. I availed of the paylite 0% interest. Hey, I don't have Php19,950 cash, you know. Actually, I had wanted to buy a digicam last year. But my dearest brother asked for a videocam. He begged and rationalized. I just couldn't resist his pleas. When it comes to any of my siblings' requests, just as long as these are needed and when I know these would help them or contribute to their growth, to a fueling of their passion and interests, I'd always be willing to give in. As long as I have the means, I will grant their wishes. This makes me a genie!
My brother's videocam costs Php40,000 and I paid that in Php3k+ monthly installment. It's pretty heavy. It so affected my cashflow. But I'm almost done with it. January 2007, that's the last month that I shall be burdened by P3k+. Phew! But it's not over... I'll be paying P1.6k+ monthly starting December 2006 for the Canon IXUS digicam I bought today. But then again, this is a gift from me to myself!

The Southern Countryside

A pic I took, on November 1 afternoon, while on the car, on the way home from Dalaguete with my father driving, my mom on the front seat, my lola and I at the back. I'm not quite sure where I took this pic. Was it in Argao, Dalaguete or Sibonga? I took this using my phone's camera. It's not really nice (consider my phone's capability; it's only a N6020 phone) But the view was undoubtedly captivating. This is a ricefield where you see a lot of plastics hanging around it (the pieces of plastic are presumably used to ward off birds). The pic doesn't look like the real thing. It's more of like a painting. Ganda! :0

Ah stupid meh!

Twice already...twice ignored in MSN. I can't believe he can't say a simple hi and then tell me he's busy...
I'm not going to be fooled again... It's vengeance time.

My eyes...from clear to clouds (bad title, ey!)

It took a while for me to learn to put on and take off my contacts. There was even a time when I had to call up a friend (who was wearing a pair) in the middle of the night (I came home late, by the way) to ask for some help on how I could take them off. I did everything I possibly could do, even asked the aid of my sister to hold my eyelids and yet I just couldn't take them off. I felt they stuck too well. It was a desperate call. My friend gave me tips, and thankfully they worked!

I never gave up on my contacts easily. I practiced and encouraged myself.
The time really did come when I no longer needed someone else's help. No more desperate calls. I eventually learned to put them on and take them off without looking at the mirror and in such a short time! Yes!!!

Yes, I have conquered my little fear. Oh yes, I have. :)

My eyes...from clear to clouds...

I started wearing eyeglasses, spectacles, antyohos, antipara, and according to my friend's daughter - clear shades, at the age thirteen, 1st year high school.
I first noticed that my eyes were no longer functioning well during an exam in our Social Studies class. I was seated at the back. Second to the last seat. The questions for that quiz were written on a Manila paper posted to the blackboard. When I looked at the Manila paper from where I was seated, I realized I couldn't read a thing. I looked at my classmates, my seatmate to the right, to the left and to the back to check if they had any difficulty reading the questions. But they hadn't. They were so engrossed in answering... So I thought, there's nothing wrong w/ the Manila paper. There was something wrong with me. I raised my hand and asked my teacher if I could transfer seat, just for the exam, because I have been having problems with my vision... And you know what my teacher told me? She gave me a straight, NO!. Take your seat!
I was terrified. Oh my God. I'm going to get my first ever zero score! The last recourse, I squinted my eyes.. Lo and behold, I could now decipher the things written on that Manila paper. Not all. But good enough to give me a positive score, not zero! :) From then on, I have been wearing glasses...Not very often, at first. But as my vision worsened, I needed to wear them everyday. It's pretty cumbersome, you know. But do I have much of a choice? Not much. Then in college, when I started attending debut parties of classmates, I began to realize that glasses were a distraction to your face full of make-up. Here I am clad in semi-formal gowns but wearing glasses...Now, I didn't want to look nerdy in formal gowns...so every time I attended a party, I didn't wear glasses. But I'd bring them with me. Just in case, I needed a good view of the debutante or the attendees of the party especially "cute" boys. But throughout most of the duration of the party, I was essentially half-blind. Later in college, some friends who are also visually-impaired have started throwing their glasses and started putting on contact lenses. Those round, soft lenses you put on your eyes...so small, so tiny... They tried to convince me to try it. Oh my! no, never. I was hesitant. No way, I was going to poke my eyes with those things. And they're too expensive. If they get blown away, which I heard, does happen to a lot of contact lens users, there goes your thousand pesos blown away too. It was just impractical! I had a lot of excuses! But the hidden reason was that I was just really too afraid to try them. I thought I could never really get them to put in my eye. It was just not right to be poking something into your eye! I was overriden by the fear. Until... I started working... I realized that I needed to try contacts just once... I recognized my fear and I wanted to eradicate it. So once upon some four years ago, I decided together with a friend, to visit an optometrist. She was also a first-timer. So we went there and had our eyes checked. We were given instructions on how to put them. We tried them. Got our practice... Unfortunately, I was the last person to get my contacts into my eye... It took so long for me...My eyes were getting red already and yet I still couldn't put them on. The optometrist got frustrated. And I was already saying my little prayer,"Oh God. Make this work!" Phew, finally after so many attempts, I got the pair of contacts into my eyes. So now we had to practice how to take them off...Oh my! This maybe difficult. They're so perfectly fit, how could I take them off???!!! And it took another hour to take them off. You know, the problem with me was that, my eyes would immediately close once they see the fingers coming...I was still pretty much fearful...And after so many attempts, I finally got to take them off...

(to be continued...)

Jesus, take the wheel

Jesus, Take the Wheel
(Carrie Underwood)

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way to fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all on my own I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all my own I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Oh, Jesus take the wheel Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me Oh, why, oh

You, Me & Dupree trailer

Carl and Molly Peterson (Matt Dillon and Kate Hudson) are just starting their new life together—complete with a cute house, boring neighbors, stable jobs and the routines of newlywed existence. There’s just one unfortunate hitch in their perfectly constructed new world… And his name’s Dupree.

When God Made You by Newsong

When God Made You

(Guys)
Its always been a mystery to me,
How two hearts can come together,
And love can last forever.
But now that I have found you I believe,
That a miracle has come when God sends the perfect one.
So gone are all my questions about why,
And i've never been so sure of anything in my life

~chorus~
Oh I wonder what God was thinking,
when he created you.
I wonder if He knew everything I would need,
Because he made all my dreams come true.
When God made you,
He must have been thinking about me.

(Girls)
Ooo ooo,I promise that wherever you may go,
wherever life may lead you,
With all my heart I'll be there too.
And from this moment on I want you to know,
I'll let nothing come between us, and I will love the ones you love.
(guy):So gone are all my questions about why
(girl echoes):about why
And I've never been so sure of anything in my life

Duet:Oh I wonder what God was thinking when he created you,
I wonder if He knew everythin I would need,
Because He made all my dreams come true.
When God made you He must've been thinking about me.

Bridge
He made the sun He made the moon,
To harmonize a perfect tune,
One can't do without the other they just have to be together.
And that is how I know its true,
Your for me and i'm for you and my world
Just cant be right without you in my life

Chorus
(guy) He must have heard every prayer
I've been praying (girl echo) I've been praying (both)
He must've knew everything I would need
When God made you,
He must've been thinking about me.

Snow White and Rose Red

Long, long ago in a faraway land in a small cottage near an enchanted forest there lived a poor old woman w/ her two lovely daughters, Snow White and Rose Red. Snow White and Rose Red were very obedient and hardworking children. In the summer, Rose Red would do the housework. Every morning, she would pick a white and a red rose from her mother’s favorite rosebushes and place them on her mother’s bedside. And in the winter, Snow White would light the fire and hang a shiny brass kettle over the fireplace. Every night, the three of them, mother, Snow White and Rose Red would sit by the fireside while their mother would read them stories from a very large book and the two girls spun wool and listened.

One night, they heard huge frantic knocks on the door. When Rose Red opened the door, she jumped up and screamed in terror. A huge black bear stood by the doorstep and stuck its thick black head through the doorway. The family quickly hid themselves from this terrifying creature.
“Don’t be afraid. I won’t harm you. I only want to warm myself by the fire,” the bear called out.
Realizing that the bear was harmless, the old woman came out from her hiding place saying, Poor bear. Do come inside. You’re welcome to stay.

Before long, the girls became friends with the bear. They tugged at his fur, placed their feet on his back and rolled him over. When morning came, the girls led him out to the door and the bear trotted off to the forest. From then on, the bear came every evening to lay by the fireplace and play with the girls.

But springtime finally came. The bear sad sadly bid goodbye to the family.
“Goodbye. I must go now to the forest and guard my treasures against the wicked dwarf.” It was with sad hearts that the family bid goodbye to their new friend.

One day, as the girls were gathering firewood in the forest, they saw a strange little man with a long long beard as white as snow. His beard was caught in the tree crack. He glared at the girls with his fiery red eyes and shouted, “What are you staring at? Come over here and help me!” Snow White and Rose Red hurried up to him. They pulled him with all their might but the beard was stuck too tight. The dwarf got very impatient. Finally, Snow White got a pair of scissors and cut a piece of his beard to set him free. Instead of thanking the girls, the dwarf got very mad. “ How dare you cut my beard!” And he walked away carrying a sack of gold.

After several days, the girls saw the same old grouchy dwarf again hopping near a brook while fishing. Snow White and Rose Red discovered that his beard got entangled with his line, and a big fish was pulling him into the brook. The only way to save the dwarf was to cut another piece of his long, white beard. So Snow White got a pair of scissors and cut a piece of the beard. The dwarf angry and shouted at them, “Now you’ve cut the best part. Then he grabbed a sack of pearls and walked away w/o thanking the girls.

Days later, their mother sent them on an errand to the city. While walking down the streets, a giant eagle appeared from nowhere and scooped a tiny old man, the same old grouchy dwarf. The girls took pity on him and managed to free him the eagles claws. But instead of thanking the girls, the dwarf just stood up and left.

As Snow White and Rose Red were heading towards home, they saw a bag of jewels that the dwarf left behind. They were admiring the jewels when the dwarf came back and scolded them anew.

All of a sudden a huge black bear came out of the forest and gave the evil dwarf a single blow killing him instantly. Snow White and Rose Red saw this giant creature, fearing for their lives, they ran as fast as they could. But the bear called out, Snow White, Rose Red, It’s me!
The black bear came up to them and its bearskin fell off and a handsome prince clad in gold stood before them.
“I’ve been under that wicked dwarf’s spell for a long time. Only his death could turn me back to a prince.
In time, the prince married Snow White, while Rose Red married his brother. The old woman lived many more peaceful and happy years. And they shared all the great treasures the dwarf stole from the prince’s kingdom.


Condensed from a German fairy tale by the Brothers Grimm.

hmmmm...

I met someone...some guy over the net...actually, i met him through this "friendship site". He emailed me and I replied and we've been corresponding through emails for almost three months now. And...as often as we want. He seems ok. He seems to be a nice person.

I'm just enjoying this friendship...and whatever the future has in store for this kind of friendship, I'm keeping my fingers crossed! ;-)

24

24 is my favorite TV show, a truly gripping, heart-stopping suspense that follows the operations of CTU agent Jack Bauer. 24 is the number of hours in a day. 24 is my birthday; to be exact, the 24th day of the month of March. And 24 is my age at the moment. Before I bid adieu to this age and before I begin my life at 25 which will soon commence (if God wills), I decided to give some pondering on what has transpired over the year I enjoyed being 24.

Last year, I had a birthday that commemorated the death of Jesus Christ and a feast of fish – bulad and bangus, and some veggies and benignit on the side. My only attendees were members of the family. I got no gifts but TONS of greetings – text messages mostly (I just wished each meant P1.00 added to my savings account) and an e-card from a friend in New York. I never really threw out birthday parties. The last one was when I turned twenty-two and second to the last was when I had my debut, and yes, at 18. Following this trend, I’ll have my next birthday bash when I turn 28.

Last year also meant new job, new friends and new challenges for me. On December 2004, 3 months before my birthday, I joined another company, a bigger one. Bigger in the sense that it employs more than 200 individuals, 70% are men, 30% are women. I was quite excited with this new environment – more men, which I assumed would mean, hopefully, more opportunities for getting hitched. A year has passed; I should have realized women tend to overanalyze situations. I am still single, still waiting for Mr, Right to pass by.

New friends. Oh yes. My colleagues in the Finance and Admin Department which comprise 5% of the total population of the company have added to my friends’ list. And I should say I get along with them very well for I reached one year working with them.

New challenges. By midyear, I became an officer in our Toastmasters club. Initially, I was appointed assistant to the VP-Ed. But the VP-PR position got vacant, so the original VP-Ed took it. Naturally, I ascended to the VP-Ed throne. I never realized this was the busiest position until I took my first assignment. I never realized it could be frustrating until members of the club started to get lazy on delivering speeches. Despite all of these, I am glad for the lessons it gave me. I’m indeed very fortunate to have been given this responsibility.

Two of my closest and very good friends and I went on our supposedly dream trip. It wasn’t really to a dream destination but I call it “dream” because when we were young we used to dream about taking faraway trips together. Really together. Never have we thought that our short vacation in Manila was already that dream realized.

I thought that would have completed my life at 24. But somehow the stars have been very kind they granted one impossible wish. My friends and colleagues always tease me about not having a boyfriend, and most of all, not having one since birth. Sometimes it does irritate me and sometimes it makes me desperate. Hopeless romantic, that’s what they call me. And they’d tease me too about never being kissed. Yes, I’ve never been kissed. So what? I retorted but deep inside me yearns to try that, too. Surprisingly, some guy gave me that. He wasn’t my boyfriend, not even some guy interested in me, not even a friend. It happened during a night out organized by my balikbayan friend. I got so drunk, got so wasted and practically threw myself over my friend’s guy friend who I just met that night. And the rest is history. It was just a kiss, mind you. Nothing more than that. So that’s how I got my first kiss. Unforgettable and unromantic. At least though, I got to try it before it might be too late.

One month more to go…I’m going to be 25. Who knows what the remaining days can offer me before I turn 25. But whatever is in store for me, I am excited about it. I just can’t wait to be 25.

25th March 2006

March 25, 2006. A memorable date in my life. It's actually a day after my birthday. And this day, I competed in the Toastmasters International Division C Speech Contest representing Area 21 for the International Category. Fortunately I won...I won third place! It's actually mixed feelings. I feel good and disappointed. Good that I won't be experiencing the same tension, nervousness one feels during contests. Disappointed because I didn't win when I have in fact given out my best and it was truly a remarkable performance (I think so! :D). Disappointed too that I have spent so much to prepare - money, time, effort, etc. and ended up not getting what I wanted. But like the message of my speech, life could sometimes be frustrating, unfair and ugly. Indeed, it is full of uncertainties. And amidst all these, I can only give out my trust. Trust in God, trust in His plans. Definitely, I will enjoy my life. ;)

Dare Me

Are you ready for the world?!

Armed with a college diploma, an impressive TOR, guts, and dreams, I was ready for anything. Underneath my breath, I declared: Dare me!

Honestly, beneath my bold statement was a bundle of quivers, gulps and anxieties. Despite this uneasy feeling, I was determined to fulfill my dreams. Dare me!

In college, a man I deemed smart and rich, told me, “You’ve got to have a map for your life. You have to set some direction. Five years, ten years from now…what do you want to happen to your life? Write them down. Look at it from time to time. This will help you achieve your goals.” So I did exactly what he told me. I made this map – after I graduate, I’m going to review for the CPA Board Exams, take the exams, be a CPA. Work for an auditing firm. Stay there for five years. Get an MBA. Get out of that auditing firm and work for a multinational company in a top position. Drive my own car and have my own boyfriend. Maybe by 28, get married and have kids.

I took the board exams, passed it, worked for an auditing firm for two years, went out of that firm and I got myself employed in a Japanese-owned company in a below the top position. I take 10E or 10F and then 17D or 17B to work. And my boyfriend is this guy named “No one.” I actually missed 3 more years in audit, haven’t even started my MBA, and my job position isn’t even considered “top” and much doubt surrounds any rise to the top. I’m 24. Neither could I afford to buy a second-hand, the earliest model of any brand of car.

And I asked myself, am I losing direction in my life? Will I be successful in this chosen career? Will I be the person I dream to be? I didn’t hit the targets. I got lost in my own map. And I started wondering whether I chose the right career, whether I made the right decisions, whether I made the right map.

Back then when I made that map, I didn’t know life after university was going to be terrible, that you’ll bruise your heart and soul. I didn’t know then some dreams live and some die. I didn’t know life could sometimes be frustrating, unfair, and ugly. Sometimes I just wished I should not have grown up; I should have not left school. I should have just remained a child whose mind is problem-free, innocent to the cruelty and complexity of this world. Sometimes I wish I never had to decide so I never had to regret. I wish life is black and white, no gray areas. Everything goes as planned. But such is the mystery of life. You have everything in place. You’re right on track yet somewhere along the way, you find yourself headed to the wrong end, in a hopeless situation. The world seems to turn its back on you yet, in an instant, miraculously, you find a solution to every problem, order to your chaotic life, and enough strength to move on.

You’ve earned your PhD, traveled around the world, served in various organizations and yet still not feel an expert. You thought by education and experience, you’ll never give out answers of “I don’t know.” But somehow, you still find that life’s questions are too many and not too many have answers.

You wish you could have power of premonition so you could have the best preparation. You wish you’d know what’s at the end of each road, so you could take the right one. You wish you’d know how many more years to live, so you could make a time frame of everything you want to achieve and never have to say it’s too late.

But come to think of it too, if everything in life had to present itself clearly, would there be such words as excitement, anticipation, intriguing, interesting, and spontaneity? How plain and boring could our stories be! How few the life lessons we learn! How tiresome it is to listen to our speeches!

My life right now may have not turned out the way I wanted it. And maybe some dreams have not been realized now but perhaps later. I may not have found Mr. Right. Still, I believe he’s out there. Now may not just be the right time. Maybe I’ll never drive my own car. Maybe someone else will drive for me. I may have a lot of questions, some have quick answers, and others don’t. And many of them may never be answered at all. But I still love the mysterious things of this so-called life. My life has its own share of excitements, intrigues and spontaneity.

Mother Teresa told a brilliant man who was at a fork in his life and was asking for a prayer for clarity: “I’ve never had the clarity. What I’ve always had was trust. So I pray that you trust God.” Yes, trust is all we need. Trust God. Trust ourselves.

Ready for the world? Armed with trust, dare me!

Quarter-life Crisis

Got this one from the internet...For all those in their twenty's, read this. It will help!

Keep it real: Yes, the 20s may be an exciting time of your life. But they can also be extremely frustrating. Wilner suggests setting "realistic expectations." Be aware that there will be challenges. For instance, no matter how much your ego is pampered by high grades and flattering remarks from professors, no matter how "big" you are in school now, you might (and chances are you will) have to start out small and humble in the real world. "The reality of it is that most people are gonna make certain kinds of compromises as they go through their 20s," says Arnett. "They might have to accept less than the ideal. Most of the jobs available to people aren't wonderful jobs. They're a way to make a living."

Goals vs. Deadlines:It's always good to have goals because those will give you purpose. But Alexandra Robbins, co-author of "Quarterlife Crisis," explains that goals can be a disadvantage if they are confused with deadlines. "Don't put pressure on yourself to reach these goals before you're out of your twenties," she warns. Her follow-up book "Conquering the Quarterlife Crisis" is due for release late this year. It includes advice from twentysomethings who went through the crisis and survived.

Keep calm: However, even if you don't have a clear idea of what to do with your life before getting a taste of what's out there, there's no need to push the panic button and run to the nearest coffee shop to overdose on caffeine. Today's society puts a lot of pressure on twentysomethings to achieve something at a younger age. Don't let that bother you. There seems to be a mad rush to succeed. Remember that there is no race to be won, only mistakes to be suffered from hasty decisions.

Know yourself: Finally, take advantage of your time in college. After you graduate, you will realize that this is a luxury you will not always have in the real world. Learn as much about yourself as you can. Different experiences will help you discover things as simple as your likes and dislikes, and as profound as what you want out of life. Life is a huge roller coaster full of sharp turns, unexpected twists, and sudden drops. Hopefully, after you survive the first 25 years of your life without much damage to your psyche, you will be able to relax and enjoy the ride. Keep in mind that amid the threat of a quarterlife crisis is the hope that the 20s may still be a wonderful time in your life. And the wonderful thing about being young is that you have the power to make your dreams happen!

A Kiss

January 13/14, 2006. I shall write this down...I shall take down the date...And I shall not forget it... my first kiss...Well, it wasn't amazing probably because I was soooo drunk and it was with someone I barely know. And what was it like? I never thought a kiss could be so darn WET. Hahaha! Finally, after waiting for 24 years..."never been kissed" no more!