Dare Me

Are you ready for the world?!

Armed with a college diploma, an impressive TOR, guts, and dreams, I was ready for anything. Underneath my breath, I declared: Dare me!

Honestly, beneath my bold statement was a bundle of quivers, gulps and anxieties. Despite this uneasy feeling, I was determined to fulfill my dreams. Dare me!

In college, a man I deemed smart and rich, told me, “You’ve got to have a map for your life. You have to set some direction. Five years, ten years from now…what do you want to happen to your life? Write them down. Look at it from time to time. This will help you achieve your goals.” So I did exactly what he told me. I made this map – after I graduate, I’m going to review for the CPA Board Exams, take the exams, be a CPA. Work for an auditing firm. Stay there for five years. Get an MBA. Get out of that auditing firm and work for a multinational company in a top position. Drive my own car and have my own boyfriend. Maybe by 28, get married and have kids.

I took the board exams, passed it, worked for an auditing firm for two years, went out of that firm and I got myself employed in a Japanese-owned company in a below the top position. I take 10E or 10F and then 17D or 17B to work. And my boyfriend is this guy named “No one.” I actually missed 3 more years in audit, haven’t even started my MBA, and my job position isn’t even considered “top” and much doubt surrounds any rise to the top. I’m 24. Neither could I afford to buy a second-hand, the earliest model of any brand of car.

And I asked myself, am I losing direction in my life? Will I be successful in this chosen career? Will I be the person I dream to be? I didn’t hit the targets. I got lost in my own map. And I started wondering whether I chose the right career, whether I made the right decisions, whether I made the right map.

Back then when I made that map, I didn’t know life after university was going to be terrible, that you’ll bruise your heart and soul. I didn’t know then some dreams live and some die. I didn’t know life could sometimes be frustrating, unfair, and ugly. Sometimes I just wished I should not have grown up; I should have not left school. I should have just remained a child whose mind is problem-free, innocent to the cruelty and complexity of this world. Sometimes I wish I never had to decide so I never had to regret. I wish life is black and white, no gray areas. Everything goes as planned. But such is the mystery of life. You have everything in place. You’re right on track yet somewhere along the way, you find yourself headed to the wrong end, in a hopeless situation. The world seems to turn its back on you yet, in an instant, miraculously, you find a solution to every problem, order to your chaotic life, and enough strength to move on.

You’ve earned your PhD, traveled around the world, served in various organizations and yet still not feel an expert. You thought by education and experience, you’ll never give out answers of “I don’t know.” But somehow, you still find that life’s questions are too many and not too many have answers.

You wish you could have power of premonition so you could have the best preparation. You wish you’d know what’s at the end of each road, so you could take the right one. You wish you’d know how many more years to live, so you could make a time frame of everything you want to achieve and never have to say it’s too late.

But come to think of it too, if everything in life had to present itself clearly, would there be such words as excitement, anticipation, intriguing, interesting, and spontaneity? How plain and boring could our stories be! How few the life lessons we learn! How tiresome it is to listen to our speeches!

My life right now may have not turned out the way I wanted it. And maybe some dreams have not been realized now but perhaps later. I may not have found Mr. Right. Still, I believe he’s out there. Now may not just be the right time. Maybe I’ll never drive my own car. Maybe someone else will drive for me. I may have a lot of questions, some have quick answers, and others don’t. And many of them may never be answered at all. But I still love the mysterious things of this so-called life. My life has its own share of excitements, intrigues and spontaneity.

Mother Teresa told a brilliant man who was at a fork in his life and was asking for a prayer for clarity: “I’ve never had the clarity. What I’ve always had was trust. So I pray that you trust God.” Yes, trust is all we need. Trust God. Trust ourselves.

Ready for the world? Armed with trust, dare me!