Now into our fourth month as a couple, I can't believe we've just known each other for less than a year. But it feels like I've known you for such a long time.
I don't regret saying yes and kissing you on the 17th of May. Having you in my life is simply amazing. Thank you for disturbing my peace! ;-)
We've only been phyiscally together for a few days, (though we spend a lot of time on the phone) but it doesn't matter much. When we're together we're just happy!
Now we spend so much time on Skype. I miss you so much. Being away from you for two months now is quite hard. But thanks to Skype though we get to see each other almost everyday. I just can't wait to go back home and kiss you, hug you, talk to you about anything, eat meals together, watch movies, and all our crazy activities!!!
Our relationship is really getting lovelier everyday. I'm glad we found each other. =) And I hope we stay together forever.
I love you my dearie!!!
Saturday, September 27, 2014
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
The Beginning of Something New
So it's officially May 17, 2014 when I said yes to us being a couple.
So I took the plunge, I took the risk. And you said, you will take good care of my heart.
So I trust and trust you for how long God wills...
This is the beginning of something new. Something good, hopefully...
Let's work on this together.
Every day that we are apart, I will miss you.
Yet every single day, I will love you.
So I took the plunge, I took the risk. And you said, you will take good care of my heart.
So I trust and trust you for how long God wills...
This is the beginning of something new. Something good, hopefully...
Let's work on this together.
Every day that we are apart, I will miss you.
Yet every single day, I will love you.
Friday, May 09, 2014
Disturbance
My life is okay. It has been running well. It was generally peaceful, and then you came and disturbed it. Whether that is a good thing or not, I don't know really. Partly yes it's a good thing. You make me smile. You make life a lot more interesting and enjoyable. But there's a bit of downside to this disturbance. You're just an ordinary human being who is capable of hurting me. You bring with you your flaws, your eccentricities which could either turn into something good or bad. I guess I'm just afraid of pain, heartbreaks, and loss. But then again life and relationships are about taking chances and risks.
So therefore, I am taking this chance, taking this risk with you. I will let you disturb this life of mine. Please take good care of me. Please take good care of this fragile heart of mine.
So therefore, I am taking this chance, taking this risk with you. I will let you disturb this life of mine. Please take good care of me. Please take good care of this fragile heart of mine.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
the weird things about u
i'm kinda finding it weird and at the same time surprised that the things i found weird about you, i'm starting to accept them...and even loving them.
i still think you have a gayish tone when you talk. but this time i don't mind. and i love talking to you. i look forward to your morning greetings and goodnights.
i still think you're sooo "loud" in Facebook but this time i don't really mind. go ahead, speak your mind.
i still think you're sooo sappy and sentimental for a guy. but this time i don't mind. i know you're 100% a man. not a hint of gayness in you.
for all things i had initially thought as weird - i now find them not so weird anymore.
i think i'm beginning to love everything about you. every weirdness in your being.
i'm glad i found you, my weird guy.
Thursday, April 17, 2014
You and I by Ingrid Michaelson
cute cute song...
Don't you worry there my honey
We might not have any money
But we've got our love to pay the bills
Maybe I think you're cute and funny
Maybe I wanna do want bunnies do with you if you know what I mean
Oh lets get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France
Lets get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance
Lets get rich and build a house on a mountain making everybody look like ants
From way up there, you and I, you and I
Well you might be a bit confused
And you might be a little bit bruised
But baby how we spoon like no one else
So I will help you read those books
If you will soothe my worried looks
And we will put the lonesome on the shelf
Lets get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France
Lets get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance
Lets get rich and build a house on a mountain making everybody look like ants
From way up there, you and I, you and I
Lets get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France
Lets get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance
Lets get rich and build a house on a mountain making everybody look like ants
From way up there, you and I, you and I
Don't you worry there my honey
We might not have any money
But we've got our love to pay the bills
Maybe I think you're cute and funny
Maybe I wanna do want bunnies do with you if you know what I mean
Oh lets get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France
Lets get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance
Lets get rich and build a house on a mountain making everybody look like ants
From way up there, you and I, you and I
Well you might be a bit confused
And you might be a little bit bruised
But baby how we spoon like no one else
So I will help you read those books
If you will soothe my worried looks
And we will put the lonesome on the shelf
Lets get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France
Lets get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance
Lets get rich and build a house on a mountain making everybody look like ants
From way up there, you and I, you and I
Lets get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France
Lets get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance
Lets get rich and build a house on a mountain making everybody look like ants
From way up there, you and I, you and I
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Keep Me In Your Heart
Shadows are fallin' and I'm runnin' out of breath
Keep me in your heart for a while
If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less
Keep me in your heart for a while
Keep me in your heart for a while
If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less
Keep me in your heart for a while
When you get up in the mornin' and you see that crazy sun
Keep me in your heart for a while
There's a train leavin' nightly called "When All is Said and Done"
Keep me in your heart for a while
Keep me in your heart for a while
There's a train leavin' nightly called "When All is Said and Done"
Keep me in your heart for a while
Sha-lalala-lala-li-lalala-lo
Keep me in your heart for a while
Keep me in your heart for a while
Sha-lalala-lala-li-lalala-lo
Keep me in your heart for a while
Sometimes when you're doin' simple things around the house
Maybe you'll think of me and smile
You know I'm tied to you like the buttons on your blouse
Keep me in your heart for a while
Maybe you'll think of me and smile
You know I'm tied to you like the buttons on your blouse
Keep me in your heart for a while
Hold me in your thoughts
Take me to your dreams
Touch me as I fall into view
When the winter comes
Keep the fires lit
And I will be right next to you
Take me to your dreams
Touch me as I fall into view
When the winter comes
Keep the fires lit
And I will be right next to you
Engine driver's headed north up to Pleasant Stream
Keep me in your heart for a while
These wheels keep turnin' but they're runnin' out of steam
Keep me in your heart for a while
Keep me in your heart for a while
These wheels keep turnin' but they're runnin' out of steam
Keep me in your heart for a while
Sha-lalala-lala-li-lalala-lo
Keep me in your heart for a while
Keep me in your heart for a while
Sha-lalala-lala-li-lalala-lo
Keep me in your heart for a while
Keep me in your heart for a while
Maybe I love you by Lenka
Maybe I love you, maybe I do
Maybe this feeling inside me is true
And if I love you, and if I do
Then maybe baby maybe you love me too
I knew I liked you, I knew I cared
And I knew that something was brewing in the air
But I don't fall easily, too many betrayed me
But maybe I love you, maybe I do
Maybe this feeling inside me is true
And if I love you, and if I do
Then maybe baby maybe you love me too
I wasn't feeling quite like myself
And something inside me was sitting on the shelf
But then you swam into my heart
And now the good step starts
Oh woo
Yeah maybe I love you, maybe I do
Maybe this feeling inside me is true
And if I love you, and if I do
Oh then maybe baby maybe you love me too
How can I know for sure
That you and I are meant for something more
And I oh, I have to go on this, this feeling inside
And I hope that I am, I hope that I am right
Maybe I love you, maybe I do
Maybe this feeling inside me is true
And if I love you, and if I do
Oh then maybe baby maybe you love me
Maybe baby maybe you love me
Maybe baby maybe you love me to
Maybe this feeling inside me is true
And if I love you, and if I do
Then maybe baby maybe you love me too
I knew I liked you, I knew I cared
And I knew that something was brewing in the air
But I don't fall easily, too many betrayed me
But maybe I love you, maybe I do
Maybe this feeling inside me is true
And if I love you, and if I do
Then maybe baby maybe you love me too
I wasn't feeling quite like myself
And something inside me was sitting on the shelf
But then you swam into my heart
And now the good step starts
Oh woo
Yeah maybe I love you, maybe I do
Maybe this feeling inside me is true
And if I love you, and if I do
Oh then maybe baby maybe you love me too
How can I know for sure
That you and I are meant for something more
And I oh, I have to go on this, this feeling inside
And I hope that I am, I hope that I am right
Maybe I love you, maybe I do
Maybe this feeling inside me is true
And if I love you, and if I do
Oh then maybe baby maybe you love me
Maybe baby maybe you love me
Maybe baby maybe you love me to
Dating Narcissism: Why We Look for Ourselves in a Partner
http://time.com/59476/dating-narcissism-why-we-look-for-ourselves-in-a-partner/
When it comes to dating, maybe you're the yin to your own yang,
The attributes of the person who “completes” us has befuddled singles for centuries: In Plato’s Symposium, a philosopher asserts that humans began as androgynous creatures with both male and female parts. The gods split each creature in half, separating one being into man and woman. The result? We now spend our lives looking for our soulmate, the one who makes us whole—though it’s unclear whether that other half is just like us or the yin to our yang.
But Plato didn’t have the luxury of examining data from dating sites. An analysis of eHarmony users by FiveThirtyEight.com this week found that while 86 percent of people say they want someone who “complements” them (as opposed to someone who “resembles them”), women and men are much more likely to message those who are similar to them not only in terms of age, attractiveness, education, race and income, but also in terms of less obvious traits like intelligence, creativity and humor. And then there’s the Boyfriend Twin Tumblr that recently surfaced, featuring gay couples that look almost identical running under the headline, “What’s sexier than dating yourself?” A similar Siblings Or Dating? website features straight, gay and lesbian couples who look like they could be related.
Both of these blogs tap that impulse to be with someone who echoes your own personality and looks. That urge is called homogamy, a marriage between two individuals who are extremely similar. For decades, we’ve been becoming more homogamous in terms of education, income, religion and even looks.
A Slate article on the Boyfriend Twin Tumblr cites a study that shows people are attracted to versions of themselves: researchers at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign altered their subjects’ faces into those of strangers and asked them to evaluate the strangers’ attractiveness. Subjects favored faces that looked like their own. Another study found that people are even more attracted to those who share superficial traits like letters in their names and birthdays with them.
Social scientists are already anxious about the amount of time we spend thinking about and looking at ourselves, what with the hours we spend advertising our thoughts and activities on social networks and the rise of the selfie. Now it looks like we’re dating ourselves too. It smacks of narcissism — and remember what happened to Narcissus, who was so entranced with his own reflection in a pool of water that he couldn’t move and eventually was transformed into a flower.
But there may be hope for us narcissists yet. Biologically speaking, we’re built to be attracted to people who are dissimilar to us. A famous 1995 study that asked women to smell the sweaty t-shirts of men found that women preferred the smells of those who were genetically dissimilar to them. (Though notably this wasn’t true for women on the pill.) Scientifically speaking, opposites really do attract. Experts have a clear explanation for our tendency towards genetic diversity: our bodies are trying to prevent us from inbreeding. Plus, parents with more diverse MHC genes birth offspring with better immune system.
This genetic diversity impulse cannot apply to gay couples where reproduction is taken out of the equation. And yet data suggests that gay and lesbian couples, too, prefer diversity in their partners. Though Boyfriend Twin may be a fun Tumblr, research shows that gay couples are actually a lot less likely to be homogamous than straight couples.
So in the end which dating impulse wins out? Our narcissistic tendencies, or the quest to diversify our gene pool?
It turns out there may be no universal truth. An October study from Rutgers University found that a specific balance of chemicals affects what type of person each individual is attracted to. People with active dopamine levels (impulsive, curious types) or high serotonin levels (social, conscientious types) tended to like people similar to themselves. But men with high testosterone tended to be drawn to women with high estrogen and oxytocin levels (and vice versa).
So who you fall for all boils down to how the chemicals are distributed in your brain
When it comes to dating, maybe you're the yin to your own yang,
The attributes of the person who “completes” us has befuddled singles for centuries: In Plato’s Symposium, a philosopher asserts that humans began as androgynous creatures with both male and female parts. The gods split each creature in half, separating one being into man and woman. The result? We now spend our lives looking for our soulmate, the one who makes us whole—though it’s unclear whether that other half is just like us or the yin to our yang.
But Plato didn’t have the luxury of examining data from dating sites. An analysis of eHarmony users by FiveThirtyEight.com this week found that while 86 percent of people say they want someone who “complements” them (as opposed to someone who “resembles them”), women and men are much more likely to message those who are similar to them not only in terms of age, attractiveness, education, race and income, but also in terms of less obvious traits like intelligence, creativity and humor. And then there’s the Boyfriend Twin Tumblr that recently surfaced, featuring gay couples that look almost identical running under the headline, “What’s sexier than dating yourself?” A similar Siblings Or Dating? website features straight, gay and lesbian couples who look like they could be related.
Both of these blogs tap that impulse to be with someone who echoes your own personality and looks. That urge is called homogamy, a marriage between two individuals who are extremely similar. For decades, we’ve been becoming more homogamous in terms of education, income, religion and even looks.
A Slate article on the Boyfriend Twin Tumblr cites a study that shows people are attracted to versions of themselves: researchers at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign altered their subjects’ faces into those of strangers and asked them to evaluate the strangers’ attractiveness. Subjects favored faces that looked like their own. Another study found that people are even more attracted to those who share superficial traits like letters in their names and birthdays with them.
Social scientists are already anxious about the amount of time we spend thinking about and looking at ourselves, what with the hours we spend advertising our thoughts and activities on social networks and the rise of the selfie. Now it looks like we’re dating ourselves too. It smacks of narcissism — and remember what happened to Narcissus, who was so entranced with his own reflection in a pool of water that he couldn’t move and eventually was transformed into a flower.
But there may be hope for us narcissists yet. Biologically speaking, we’re built to be attracted to people who are dissimilar to us. A famous 1995 study that asked women to smell the sweaty t-shirts of men found that women preferred the smells of those who were genetically dissimilar to them. (Though notably this wasn’t true for women on the pill.) Scientifically speaking, opposites really do attract. Experts have a clear explanation for our tendency towards genetic diversity: our bodies are trying to prevent us from inbreeding. Plus, parents with more diverse MHC genes birth offspring with better immune system.
This genetic diversity impulse cannot apply to gay couples where reproduction is taken out of the equation. And yet data suggests that gay and lesbian couples, too, prefer diversity in their partners. Though Boyfriend Twin may be a fun Tumblr, research shows that gay couples are actually a lot less likely to be homogamous than straight couples.
So in the end which dating impulse wins out? Our narcissistic tendencies, or the quest to diversify our gene pool?
It turns out there may be no universal truth. An October study from Rutgers University found that a specific balance of chemicals affects what type of person each individual is attracted to. People with active dopamine levels (impulsive, curious types) or high serotonin levels (social, conscientious types) tended to like people similar to themselves. But men with high testosterone tended to be drawn to women with high estrogen and oxytocin levels (and vice versa).
So who you fall for all boils down to how the chemicals are distributed in your brain
Secrets by OneRepublic
This time
Don't need another perfect lie
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
My God
Amazing that we got this far
It's like we're chasing all those stars
Who's driving shiny big black cars
And everyday I see the news, all the problems that we could solve
And when a situation rises, just write it into an album
Seen it straight to go
I don't really like my flow, no so
Tell me what you want to hear
Something that'll light those ears
I'm sick of all the insincere
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time
Don't need another perfect lie
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
Oh, got no reason, got no shame
Got no family I can blame
Just don't let me disappear
I'm gonna tell you everything
So tell me what you want to hear
Something that'll light those ears
I'm sick of all the insincere
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time
Don't need another perfect lie
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
So tell me what you want to hear
Something that will light those ears
I'm sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time
Don't need another perfect lie
Don't care if critics ever jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
All my secrets away
All my secrets away
Friday, April 04, 2014
All of Me by John Legend
What would I do without your smart mouth
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
Got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down
What's going on in that beautiful mind
I'm on your magical mystery ride
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
Got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down
What's going on in that beautiful mind
I'm on your magical mystery ride
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright
[Bridge]
My head's underwater
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind
My head's underwater
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind
[Chorus]
Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh
Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh
[Verse]
How many times do I have to tell you
Even when you're crying you're beautiful too
The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood
You're my downfall, you're my muse
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
I can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you
How many times do I have to tell you
Even when you're crying you're beautiful too
The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood
You're my downfall, you're my muse
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
I can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you
[Bridge]
My head's underwater
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind
My head's underwater
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind
[Chorus]
Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you,oh
Give me all of you
Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you,oh
Give me all of you
[Bridge]
Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts
Risking it all, though it's hard
Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts
Risking it all, though it's hard
[Chorus]
Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you
Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you
I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, ohh
And you give me all of you, ohh
Oh, it is love!
by HelloGoodbye
Oh,it is love from the first time I set my eyes upon yours thinking "Oh, is it love?"
Oh, dear
It's been hardly a moment
And you are already missed
There is still a bit of your skin
That I've yet to have kissed
Oh say please do not go
But you know, oh, you know that I must
Oh say I love you so
But you know, oh, you know you can trust
We'll be holding hands once again
All our broken plans I will mend
I will hold you tight so you know
It is love from the first
Time I pressed my hand to yours
Thinking, "Oh, is it love?"
Oh, dear,
It's been hardly three days
And I'm longing to feel your embrace.
There are several days
Until I can see your sweet face.
Oh say,
wouldn't you like to be older and married with me?
Oh say,
wouldn't it be nice to know right now that we'll be
Someday holding hands in the end
All our broken plans will have been
I will kiss you soft so you know
It is love from the first
Time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking, "Oh, is it love?"
I hope...
Your heart may long for love that is more near
So when I'm gone these words will be here
To ease every fear
And dry up every tear
And make it very clear
I kiss you and I know
It is love from the first
Time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking, "Oh, is it love?"
Oh, it is love from the first
Time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking, "Oh, is it love?"
I kiss you and I know
It is love from the first
Time I pressed my lips onto yours
Thinking, "Oh, is it love?"
Oh, dear
It's been hardly a moment
And you are already missed
There is still a bit of your skin
That I've yet to have kissed
Oh say please do not go
But you know, oh, you know that I must
Oh say I love you so
But you know, oh, you know you can trust
We'll be holding hands once again
All our broken plans I will mend
I will hold you tight so you know
It is love from the first
Time I pressed my hand to yours
Thinking, "Oh, is it love?"
Oh, dear,
It's been hardly three days
And I'm longing to feel your embrace.
There are several days
Until I can see your sweet face.
Oh say,
wouldn't you like to be older and married with me?
Oh say,
wouldn't it be nice to know right now that we'll be
Someday holding hands in the end
All our broken plans will have been
I will kiss you soft so you know
It is love from the first
Time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking, "Oh, is it love?"
I hope...
Your heart may long for love that is more near
So when I'm gone these words will be here
To ease every fear
And dry up every tear
And make it very clear
I kiss you and I know
It is love from the first
Time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking, "Oh, is it love?"
Oh, it is love from the first
Time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking, "Oh, is it love?"
I kiss you and I know
It is love from the first
Time I pressed my lips onto yours
Thinking, "Oh, is it love?"
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Every Time - Janet Jackson
I'm afraid I'm starting to feel
What I said I would not do
The last time really hurt me
Bridge:
I'm sacred to fall in love
Afraid to fall so fast
Cause every time I fall in love
It seems too never last
Chorus:
But every time your love is near
And every time I'm filled with fear
Cause every time I see your face
My heart does begins to race every time
One half wants me to go
One half wants me to stay
I just get oh so confused
Repeat bridge
Repeat chorus
Repeat bridge
Repeat chorus
Every time your love is near
And every time I'm filled with fear
Cause every time I see your face
Could it be that this will be the one that lasts
The fear does start to erase every time
Oh could it be that this will be the one that lasts
For all my times
For all my times
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Habit 5 - Seek first to understand then to be understood
This chapter centres around the understanding of the other person - what they want, need and aspire to as well as what their motivations and mindset are.
Covey sets out in Habit 5 to change the way we interact with people by changing the way that we listen to them. We need need to be non-judgemental and not make assumptions (assume makes an ASS of of U and ME remember!).
In order to reach a Win/Win situation (See Habit 4) and be able to influence people and the outcome we need to understand the other person first. I have to admit I was a bit surprised that Covey uses the term "Influence". To me it has sort of nasty, Machiavellian connotations; I think he really should have discussed a mutally beneficial outcome here (which he gets on to much later in the chapter) rather than jump right into the "benefits" of influencing people.
When we want to control or guide a situation into a mutally beneficial outcome, you can't just use technique as this will seem cold, unfeeling and manipulative. Just think ofCounsellor Troi in Star Trek: The Next Generation. When you think about it, she was a rubbish listener! Stock phrases such as "How does that make you feel?" seem hollow and automatic; they don't really show that you feel empathy for the individual at all.
Habit 5 isn't just about purely learning to listen to the other person though. It's essentially the culmination of the techniques in the first 4 habits. These habits need to be in place and understood for you to be truly able to understand and then be understood.
Generally when we listen we don't understand at all. We may think we do, but we don't - as Covey points out. Usually, when we listen everything is "understood" within our own frame of reference, a sort of "been there, done that, bought the tee-shirt" mentality. Therefore when people have a problem, or ask for advice, we see it from our point of view not theirs; we've failed to understand completely.
Unless we understand them, we can't help or influence the situation as we can't see the world through their eyes. I guess that old saying of "In order to understand someone you have to walk 100 miles in their shoes" (or something like that) should be rephrased slightly!
Covey goes on to describe 5 different types of listening styles. Generally, we only use one of the first four however the 5th is the one that we should be using:
Empathic listening isn't about agreeing with the other person, it's about understanding them emotionally, behaviourally, physically (i.e. body cues) and intellectually. You full understand their motivations and where they're coming from and this is key to building up your emotional bank account with this person. Using any of the other 4 listening techniques could (or should I say probably would) be seen as cold, uncaring and manipulative which leads to a withdrawal from your emotional bank account.
Empathic listening gives the other person an emotional boost (Covey refers to this as "Psychological Air"), they start feeling better about themselves so feel better about you and begin to open up more; you've opened them up so you can problem solve (influence - bah! - as Covey puts it).
There is a downside to Empathic listening, you have the ability to be influenced as well as influence. Going back to my Star Trek anaology again, think about the number of times Troi was taken over, influenced etc. due to her empathic nature (can you tell I like Star Trek?). We need the foundations of habits 1, 2 and 3 to be able to avoid this influence - or only accept it if we're happy with it.
As well of 5 ways of listening, there are 4 ways of responding to what we've heard:
There are 4 stages to empathic listening, each building on the one before it. So essentially you start at step one and as they open up more move to the next step:
As well as understanding, we too need to be understood which is the second half of Habit 5. As Covey puts it "Seeking to understand requires consideration; seeking to be understood requires courage." You need to base your desires around the other's frame of reference and have the conviction to get your points across in a way that's mutually beneficial to all parties.
Habit 5 sits right in the middle of our circle of influence. Many of the factors within this habit lie within our circle of concern - the area we're aware of but can't do anything about it - empathic listening allows us to move these items into our circle of influence so that we can do something about them.
It's also important to remember that people don't necessarily have to open up in order for you to have a deposit made into your emotional bank account. Just showing empathy and that you care should be enough.
The main thing to take note of here is that whatever you do, don't push them and try to force them into opening up to you. This will most certainly lead to a withdrawal from your emotional bank account as you'll actually seem cold, unfeeling and manipulative.
You also don't have to wait for people to come to you with problems, or notice that they're having an issue, you can be proactive and act before something comes up. For example you could hold regular 1-2-1 meetings with your team members. Listening with empathy and understanding will greatly increase your emotional bank balance and inspire great loyalty amongst your staff.
I've also learned that just because we think we may have a solution to someone's problem we shouldn't verbalise this until we really understand where they're coming from and what they want.
It's going to feel a bit awkward at first to use empathic listening - rephrasing other's people's sentances can have the unfortunate side effect of sounding sarcastic, and as I'm a sarcastic by nature people may think I'm taking the mickey if I'm not too careful.
If you see me with a black eye you know it didn't go too well!
http://www.flippingheck.com/7-Habits---Habit-5-Seek-first-to-understand-then-to-be-understood
Covey sets out in Habit 5 to change the way we interact with people by changing the way that we listen to them. We need need to be non-judgemental and not make assumptions (assume makes an ASS of of U and ME remember!).
In order to reach a Win/Win situation (See Habit 4) and be able to influence people and the outcome we need to understand the other person first. I have to admit I was a bit surprised that Covey uses the term "Influence". To me it has sort of nasty, Machiavellian connotations; I think he really should have discussed a mutally beneficial outcome here (which he gets on to much later in the chapter) rather than jump right into the "benefits" of influencing people.
When we want to control or guide a situation into a mutally beneficial outcome, you can't just use technique as this will seem cold, unfeeling and manipulative. Just think ofCounsellor Troi in Star Trek: The Next Generation. When you think about it, she was a rubbish listener! Stock phrases such as "How does that make you feel?" seem hollow and automatic; they don't really show that you feel empathy for the individual at all.
Habit 5 isn't just about purely learning to listen to the other person though. It's essentially the culmination of the techniques in the first 4 habits. These habits need to be in place and understood for you to be truly able to understand and then be understood.
Generally when we listen we don't understand at all. We may think we do, but we don't - as Covey points out. Usually, when we listen everything is "understood" within our own frame of reference, a sort of "been there, done that, bought the tee-shirt" mentality. Therefore when people have a problem, or ask for advice, we see it from our point of view not theirs; we've failed to understand completely.
Unless we understand them, we can't help or influence the situation as we can't see the world through their eyes. I guess that old saying of "In order to understand someone you have to walk 100 miles in their shoes" (or something like that) should be rephrased slightly!
Covey goes on to describe 5 different types of listening styles. Generally, we only use one of the first four however the 5th is the one that we should be using:
- Ignoring - The "La La La, I can't hear you" fingers in the ears school of listening
- Pretending - The "Uh huh, Oh really? That's nice" school of listening
- Selective Hearing - The "But I'm sure I heard you say..." school of listening
- Attentive - The "I know exactly how you feel, when that happened to me..." school of listening
- Empathic - The "And how does that make you feel*?" school of listening
Empathic listening isn't about agreeing with the other person, it's about understanding them emotionally, behaviourally, physically (i.e. body cues) and intellectually. You full understand their motivations and where they're coming from and this is key to building up your emotional bank account with this person. Using any of the other 4 listening techniques could (or should I say probably would) be seen as cold, uncaring and manipulative which leads to a withdrawal from your emotional bank account.
Empathic listening gives the other person an emotional boost (Covey refers to this as "Psychological Air"), they start feeling better about themselves so feel better about you and begin to open up more; you've opened them up so you can problem solve (influence - bah! - as Covey puts it).
There is a downside to Empathic listening, you have the ability to be influenced as well as influence. Going back to my Star Trek anaology again, think about the number of times Troi was taken over, influenced etc. due to her empathic nature (can you tell I like Star Trek?). We need the foundations of habits 1, 2 and 3 to be able to avoid this influence - or only accept it if we're happy with it.
As well of 5 ways of listening, there are 4 ways of responding to what we've heard:
- Evaluate - Do we agree or not?
- Probing - Asking questions
- Advising - Giving advice based on our own experiences
- Interpreting - Interpret their motives based on our own motives/behaviour
There are 4 stages to empathic listening, each building on the one before it. So essentially you start at step one and as they open up more move to the next step:
- Mimic - Repeat what the other person said
- Rephrase - Rephrase their comments to show that you've understood
- Reflect - Put their feelings into words for them
- Rephrase and Reflect - Combine steps 2 and 3
As well as understanding, we too need to be understood which is the second half of Habit 5. As Covey puts it "Seeking to understand requires consideration; seeking to be understood requires courage." You need to base your desires around the other's frame of reference and have the conviction to get your points across in a way that's mutually beneficial to all parties.
Habit 5 sits right in the middle of our circle of influence. Many of the factors within this habit lie within our circle of concern - the area we're aware of but can't do anything about it - empathic listening allows us to move these items into our circle of influence so that we can do something about them.
It's also important to remember that people don't necessarily have to open up in order for you to have a deposit made into your emotional bank account. Just showing empathy and that you care should be enough.
The main thing to take note of here is that whatever you do, don't push them and try to force them into opening up to you. This will most certainly lead to a withdrawal from your emotional bank account as you'll actually seem cold, unfeeling and manipulative.
You also don't have to wait for people to come to you with problems, or notice that they're having an issue, you can be proactive and act before something comes up. For example you could hold regular 1-2-1 meetings with your team members. Listening with empathy and understanding will greatly increase your emotional bank balance and inspire great loyalty amongst your staff.
What have I learned from this chapter?
I learned that all listening is not created equal. I also learned that I'm guilty of step 4 Attentive listening rather than being Empathic as I thought I was being.I've also learned that just because we think we may have a solution to someone's problem we shouldn't verbalise this until we really understand where they're coming from and what they want.
What am I going to do about it?
I'm really going to try and be a better listener. It's going to be quite hard not to jump in and be judgemental without a frame of reference but I will try as much as I can.It's going to feel a bit awkward at first to use empathic listening - rephrasing other's people's sentances can have the unfortunate side effect of sounding sarcastic, and as I'm a sarcastic by nature people may think I'm taking the mickey if I'm not too careful.
If you see me with a black eye you know it didn't go too well!
http://www.flippingheck.com/7-Habits---Habit-5-Seek-first-to-understand-then-to-be-understood
3-3
Today is yet another milestone! I just celebrated another year in my life! Happy 33 to me!!!
I am truly grateful for this life.
I thank God for giving me another year, another chance, another opportunity to spread love, to spread His goodness, to give much, and expect little.
So what is so much amazing of this day?
There is no big bonggacious party today. I will be celebrating it with family (although missing my brother and little sis). And this is enough to make my birthday just as lovely. Celebrating an important event in your life with family and friends is simply amazing even with simple food and drinks. :)
I am also thankful to one person who just came recently into this sometimes boring life of mine.
I never thought I'd meet someone like you. I never thought I'd find a piece of my heart in you.
You make me smile. You make me laugh. You make me think. You make me brave. Thank you.
Happy birthday to me!!! Let's celebrate 33!
I am truly grateful for this life.
I thank God for giving me another year, another chance, another opportunity to spread love, to spread His goodness, to give much, and expect little.
So what is so much amazing of this day?
There is no big bonggacious party today. I will be celebrating it with family (although missing my brother and little sis). And this is enough to make my birthday just as lovely. Celebrating an important event in your life with family and friends is simply amazing even with simple food and drinks. :)
I am also thankful to one person who just came recently into this sometimes boring life of mine.
I never thought I'd meet someone like you. I never thought I'd find a piece of my heart in you.
You make me smile. You make me laugh. You make me think. You make me brave. Thank you.
Happy birthday to me!!! Let's celebrate 33!
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
one fine weekend
It wasn't just an ordinary weekend.
It wasn't even extraordinary.
It was special.
Because it was spent with someone you didn't expect existed in this world. It was time well spent with someone you thought existed in your prayers.
He understands me. He knows me. He likes the little weird stuffs in me. He thinks I am pretty.
I like talking to him. I like telling him stories others would find boring. I like to brag about myself to him and he doesn't mind. I like that he listens intently.
I would love another fine weekend with him. I don't think I'll ever get bored. Though we have a lot of commonalities but we have a lot of differences too and in those differences we we have found so much to share with each other. I think it will take a lifetime to share.
I look forward to more afternoons, more coffee and tea sessions, more walks with him.
It wasn't even extraordinary.
It was special.
Because it was spent with someone you didn't expect existed in this world. It was time well spent with someone you thought existed in your prayers.
He understands me. He knows me. He likes the little weird stuffs in me. He thinks I am pretty.
I like talking to him. I like telling him stories others would find boring. I like to brag about myself to him and he doesn't mind. I like that he listens intently.
I would love another fine weekend with him. I don't think I'll ever get bored. Though we have a lot of commonalities but we have a lot of differences too and in those differences we we have found so much to share with each other. I think it will take a lifetime to share.
I look forward to more afternoons, more coffee and tea sessions, more walks with him.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
i hold back
There are certain moments in one's life that you can't believe they are happening and so you just want to hold back and not get carried away. This is one of those moments I have now.
I am holding back because I am unsure.
I am holding back because I could be wrong.
I am holding back because I don't want to get hurt.
I am holding back because I might only be imagining an idea. I might be making up.
I have my reasons. I hope that they won't get me wrong.
I am holding back because I am unsure.
I am holding back because I could be wrong.
I am holding back because I don't want to get hurt.
I am holding back because I might only be imagining an idea. I might be making up.
I have my reasons. I hope that they won't get me wrong.
Tuesday, February 04, 2014
Another Difficult Conversation
Who says they go away?
I've had another difficult conversation again today. I feel bad. I feel frustrated. When will I ever get this kind of conversations right? I don't know. Maybe years of practice will. Maybe I need to expose myself of such things...maybe, maybe I'll become better...
There's so much heaviness in my heart today. I wish I could have done better. But these are all regrets now. We both learn from the struggle. We both learn from the experience.
I hope your maturity will help you overcome this.
I have to move on. We have to move forward.
I've had another difficult conversation again today. I feel bad. I feel frustrated. When will I ever get this kind of conversations right? I don't know. Maybe years of practice will. Maybe I need to expose myself of such things...maybe, maybe I'll become better...
There's so much heaviness in my heart today. I wish I could have done better. But these are all regrets now. We both learn from the struggle. We both learn from the experience.
I hope your maturity will help you overcome this.
I have to move on. We have to move forward.
Friday, January 31, 2014
Till Kingdom Come...by Coldplay
Whoever this song is for, I don't care. It's got some sweet lyrics...from the Amazing Spiderman movie.
Still my heart and hold my tongue.
I feel my time, my time has come.
Let me in, unlock the door.
I've never felt this way before.
The wheels just keep on turning,
The drummer begins to drum,
I don't know which way I'm going,
I don't know which way I've come.
Hold my head inside your hands,
I need someone who understands.
I need someone, someone who hears,
For you, I've waited all these years.
For you, I'd wait 'til kingdom come.
Until my day, my day is done.
And say you'll come, and set me free,
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.
In your tears and in your blood,
In your fire and in your flood,
I hear you laugh, I heard you sing,
"I wouldn't change a single thing."
The wheels just keep on turning,
The drummers begin to drum,
I don't know which way I'm going,
I don't know what I've become.
For you, I'd wait 'til kingdom come,
Until my days, my days are done.
Say you'll come and set me free,
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.
Still my heart and hold my tongue.
I feel my time, my time has come.
Let me in, unlock the door.
I've never felt this way before.
The wheels just keep on turning,
The drummer begins to drum,
I don't know which way I'm going,
I don't know which way I've come.
Hold my head inside your hands,
I need someone who understands.
I need someone, someone who hears,
For you, I've waited all these years.
For you, I'd wait 'til kingdom come.
Until my day, my day is done.
And say you'll come, and set me free,
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.
In your tears and in your blood,
In your fire and in your flood,
I hear you laugh, I heard you sing,
"I wouldn't change a single thing."
The wheels just keep on turning,
The drummers begin to drum,
I don't know which way I'm going,
I don't know what I've become.
For you, I'd wait 'til kingdom come,
Until my days, my days are done.
Say you'll come and set me free,
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.
Friday, January 24, 2014
January
The first two weeks of January was very stressful for me at work. I don't know what really came over me but I was overcome with "maldita-ness" especially to my London counterparts. I think you call this "enough is enough" moment. "I don't want anymore to be treated like you always do. I am not your slave!" That's how I acted but I didn't say those words. Typical me. Anyway, I missed the BD11 crucial call in my work life. I have never been absent on this call ever since I started working with the bank but for the very first time I had to missed it. And I am glad I did! The call went well so it just goes to show I should have done this even before. LOL. It feels liberating to have missed that!
Then for the first time in 6 years, I was able to go home to Cebu for its annual Sinulog festival. However, as fate had it, I wasn't able to take part in the festivities. Blame this partly on my age.
Anyway, my 5-day vacation in my hometown was truly memorable.
My family booked an overnight stay at one of Cebu's premier resorts. It was such a good way to bond! Everyone was happy. Everyone was having a good time.
I was able to attend mass in the Basilica del Sto Nino with my grandma. I thank the patron saint for all the protection he has given us Cebuanos. I was also happy that I was able to take my grandma out of the house so she could once in a while take her mind off household chores.
I bonded with my dearest friend over wine and cheese at the newest and hippiest French resto in Cebu. I love that they have something like this is in Cebu. What I like about it? They offer a number of affordable wines and tapas but the place where you enjoy your wine is done al fresco.
There was a supposedly reunion with my high school classmates during the day of the Sinulog but due to some unforeseen events, I ended up not going. Besides, I also had an important rendezvous on that day that I shouldn't miss. It was a short meeting with a person. I don't know why I had that strong feeling that I should meet this person despite the horrible traffic and the transportation difficulties on that day. But fate was kind and it gave me a way to be there at our meeting place. We only had a few hours together. Just enough to warm us up but also enough to make it "bitin". Whatever happened on those few hours of togetherness somehow made us yearn for more.
All I can say is, January was equally stressful and equally good. Despite all the stress, there is something that makes me smile somehow.
Then for the first time in 6 years, I was able to go home to Cebu for its annual Sinulog festival. However, as fate had it, I wasn't able to take part in the festivities. Blame this partly on my age.
Anyway, my 5-day vacation in my hometown was truly memorable.
My family booked an overnight stay at one of Cebu's premier resorts. It was such a good way to bond! Everyone was happy. Everyone was having a good time.
I was able to attend mass in the Basilica del Sto Nino with my grandma. I thank the patron saint for all the protection he has given us Cebuanos. I was also happy that I was able to take my grandma out of the house so she could once in a while take her mind off household chores.
I bonded with my dearest friend over wine and cheese at the newest and hippiest French resto in Cebu. I love that they have something like this is in Cebu. What I like about it? They offer a number of affordable wines and tapas but the place where you enjoy your wine is done al fresco.
There was a supposedly reunion with my high school classmates during the day of the Sinulog but due to some unforeseen events, I ended up not going. Besides, I also had an important rendezvous on that day that I shouldn't miss. It was a short meeting with a person. I don't know why I had that strong feeling that I should meet this person despite the horrible traffic and the transportation difficulties on that day. But fate was kind and it gave me a way to be there at our meeting place. We only had a few hours together. Just enough to warm us up but also enough to make it "bitin". Whatever happened on those few hours of togetherness somehow made us yearn for more.
All I can say is, January was equally stressful and equally good. Despite all the stress, there is something that makes me smile somehow.
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Throwback 2013
Looking back at what has happened in 2013:
Travels
I only had two international travels in 2013. I went to Hongkong with my dear friend from high school. This was in February. I went to Indonesia with another set of friends. We went to Bali and Yogyakarta in July.
My domestic travels brought me to Baler, Aurora and tried surfing for the very first time. I certainly want to do it again!
I went a few times back to my hometown in Cebu. Finally, I was able to try swimming with the whale sharks in Oslob. It was definitely a marvelous encounter.
There was a Malaysia trip that I cancelled as I had to prioritise my CIMA studies. Oh well, there will be another time to visit "Malaysia, Truly Asia"!
Then in December I visited Bacolod once again. This time to attend the wedding of a dear friend.
Bacolod is a nice little city with lots of gastronomic adventures.
Then in December I visited Bacolod once again. This time to attend the wedding of a dear friend.
Bacolod is a nice little city with lots of gastronomic adventures.
Career
I would say there was nothing much that happened in this area. I did have new bosses though and got to work with old colleagues once again. I was chosen to represent our department in a working group. First time in my DB career that I had experienced this. I wouldn't say I successfully delivered but I learned in the process and indeed expanded my network.
Last year too, I had my chance to move out. I received a lot of calls for interviews but only went to one. And I guess it was not my year, the potential employer didn't call back after the interview.
Family
2013 I lost my dearest grandma, She was 88 years old. She indeed lived a full life. I will always look up to my grandma for inspiration. She was a woman of strength. She was not born to a rich family. She was started out as a househeld help. When she met my grandpa together they started a family and a business retailing rice. This business blossomed and they were able to put their kids, my father and my uncle through college. They were able to buy a house and lot, and a nice jeep. We're not uber rich but we are living okay. Thanks to my grandma and grandpa who worked hard for the family, and who have shown us that with hard work and perseverance, you will get what you want.
My parents who have been in the US for a year have decided to come back. It is not yet clear up to now if they would like to go back. Either way, I will support their decision. I am just glad they were given a chance to see the other side of the world.
This year too saw the birth of my new niece. She is just adorable! The other reason why my parents loved it here. They just enjoy their apos!
My cousin from London and her family visited Manila in August and it was an absolutely lovely time with them.
I am thankful 2013 was good to my family.
Disasters
If there was a year that Philippines experienced the worst in terms of natural disasters, I would think it is 2013. We had the 7 something magnitude earthquake in Bohol and Cebu. Then in November we had the strongest typhoon ever recorded in human history hit us. Yolanda/Haiyan totally destroyed a lot of cities and towns and left thousands dead and missing.
But we saw the Filipinos rise above all these. Everyone was helping each other. There is a brighter future for us! Bangon, Pilipinas!
And some more...
Well in terms of what I had set out at the start of 2013, I was able to achieve the stock investments which I had started last year. Then I was able to watch a Lisa Macuja performance and was even able to meet her personally on stage! Well for the rest of the goals, as usual, I didn't achieve them all of them. Oh well.
No regrets though!
I turned 32 too! And still single! Hahaha. But my birthday celebration was one of a kind. Not the usual I always had.
I finally gave myself a smartphone - a Samsung S4 of which I am loving to bits. What I just hate is the my service provider's fuckin' service!!! Globe you just made me wish NOT to renew after my contract ends!!!
In terms of this effin' love life, nothing new. Another epic fail! Hahaha. Anyways, I am probably not just girlfriend material. Oh well. Not my loss! Haha
So there you had it 2013. It was a good year. Learned another set of lessons. Gained new friends. Rekindled old ties. Lost some weight and gained them back again. Life is just how you make out of what it offers you.
Cheers!
Thursday, January 02, 2014
Throwforward 2014
Before I do a throwback of 2013, let me first do my customary New Year's resolution.
I know 2013 was a memorable year. It was a year of both gains and losses. It was another year of new learnings.
Here you go my 2014 list:
Get a new job - a new job that is based outside my country. I've always wanted to but had always been afraid of the risks.
Continue to invest in stocks. I'll increase my investment by 50%.
Travel to the US and visit friends and family. I've always wanted to do this I was a kid.
Be affectionate. I am not a very showy person. I tend to keep my feelings to myself. But this year, I promise myself to show to others that I truly care. Tell them that I care for them. Say I love you more often.
Buy a house and lot. This one is dependent on the new job.
Try a new exercise regime - yoga or crossfit maybe. Eat healthy. More veggies and fruits. Go for fish.
Hopefully, I passed the November CIMA exams. Then CIMA qualified by end of 2014!
I've always included a love life. But I always end up still single. I guess a love life doesn't need to involve a man. It doesn't have to be the romantic kind of thing. So this year, I promise to be more loving to those around me. I resolve to be more appreciative, be more grateful. I promise to cherish relationships.
2014, let's rock!!!
Habit 4 - Think Win-Win
This is the habit of creating effective interpersonal leadership. In order to manage our relationships with others properly we need to think "Win/Win". This isn't just a technique that you can apply to every day situations and relationships, it's a philosophy - a whole way of thinking and being.
This philosophy is based on 6 paradigms of interaction. Basically, every time we interact with others it fits into one of these categories:
- Win/Win
- Win/Lose
- Lose/Win
- Lose/Lose
- Win
- Win/Win or No Deal
Let's look at each of these types of interactions as Covey describes them:
Win/Win - Mutually beneficial and co-operative. All parties come out on top
Win/Lose - "If I win, you lose." This is very authoritarian in style and can be seen as overly competitive. It' a win at all costs mentality which is usually instilled from childhood.
Lose/Win - "If I lose, you win." This is usually the attitude of people who want to keep the peace and not upset the applecart. The problem with Lose/Win is that whilst you may feel happy your friend/colleague etc. has come out on top, this can however lead to an eventual breakdown in relationships as resentment builds up.
Lose/Lose - This happens when two Win/Lose people clash, it leads to a stubborn impasse as they try to beat each other at all costs.
Win - Don't really want anyone to lose they just want everyone to come out on top. It's an "every man for himself" mentality.
Win/WIn or No Deal - This is where, if a mutually beneficial outcome cannot be reached, then you know it's okay to walk away with no hard feelings.
What's the best option?
The best option really depends on what situation you are in at the time, what you want to achieve, and what the other person wants to achieve.
If you value a relationship, you may opt for Lose/Win in order to keep the peace. If you want to increase competition (in your salesforce for example) you may go for a Win/Lose strategy.
In an interdependent relationship, Win/Lose doesn't work. If I Win I will make you feel bad which leads to a withdrawal from my emotional bank account. The same goes for Lose/WIn - I stop caring about you because you don't care - and Lose/Lose - we both make withdrawals from each others accounts. The only viable option is Win/Win, or Win/Win/No Deal.
How do you achieve a Win/Win situation?
The are 5 "dimensions" (as Covey calls them) to achieving a Win/Win situation, which each build up on each other to form effective interpersonal leadership:
So character builds relationships, which leads to an agreement within an agreed system and manner of process. Note that in the diagram above an agreement is required before you decide on the system and processes. This leads back to the habit of putting first things first - if you don't know what you want then you can't achieve it.
Covey uses a great analogy regarding creating agreements:
Developing a Win/Win performance agreement is the central activity of management. With an agreement in place, employees can manage themselves within the framework of that agreement. The manager can then serve like a pace car in a race. He can get things going and then get out of the way. His job from then on is to remove the oil spills.
Systems need to exist in order to allow a Win/Win situation to take place. If you think Win/Win but the system rewards Win/Lose then everyone loses faith and the system collapses. Reward systems need to be aligned with the goals and beliefs of the organisations.
All systems need to be Win/Win if this is the goal of the organisation. You can't just rely on the rewards system motivating employees to think Win/Win, you need to include planning, communication strategy, budgeting, training - every aspect of the organisation needs to be thinking the same way.
Covey also notes that if you put good people into a bad system you get bad results, the whole path to a Win/Win situation is built from the ground up on the 5 dimensions, you can't ignore one and hope the others fall into place.
What have I learned from this habit?
I've learned that it's not what I want from a situation, it's more about what others want. We can never reach a mutually acceptable solution if we don't know what each other wants to get out of it.
I've also learned that it's okay to walk away from a situation - assuming that the other party is okay with this - you don't lose face and it enables you to revisit the situation further down the road with no animosity.
What am I going to do about it?
I need to ask myself and others what they want from a situation - and of course, being the proactive person now that I am, I can do that!
I need to know also, to walk away from a situation when it's starting to look like Win/Lose, Lose/Win or Lose/Lose. I need to understand that it doesn't make me look bad, it's a No Deal situation that will only end in resentment from one, or both parties. I think the terms is "agree to disagree". Fingers crossed that I can keep to this one, I have to admit I'm a Win/Lose kind of girl!
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