If I'm Not In Love with You

He likes this song...i think. He mentioned this song to me once. I don't know why... But you know, the assuming girl I am, I thought there was something to it... =) Anyway, here's the song. I love this one, too.

If I'm not in love with you
What is this I'm going through, tonight
And if this heart is lying then
What should I believe in
Why do I go crazy
Everytime I think about you baby
Why else do I want you like I do
If I'm not in love with you, with you

And if I don't need your touch
Why do I miss you so much, tonight
If it's just infatuation
Why is my heart aching
To hold you forever
To hold you forever
Give a part of me I thought I'd never
Give again to someone I could lose
If I'm not in love with you

Oh why in every fantasy
Do I feel your arms embracing me
Like lovers lost in sweet desire
someone take...
And why in dreams do I surrender
Like a little baby
How do I explain this feeling
Someone tell me

If I'm not in love with you What is this I'm going through.. tonight
And if this heart is lying then and if this heart is lying then..
What should I believe in oohh..
Why do I go crazy
why do i go crazy

Every time I think about you baby Why else do I want you like I do..
if im not in love ahhh..
if im not in love
if im not in love with..
if im not in love with you..

Angels Brought Me Here by Guy Sebastian

[Verse 1]
It's been a long and winding journey, but i'm finally here tonight
Picking up the pieces, and walking back into the light
Into the sunset of your glory, where my heart and future lies
There's nothing like that feeling, when i look into your eyes...

[Bridge]
My dreams came true, when i found you
I found you, my miracle...

[Chorus]
If you could see, what i see, that you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...

[Verse 2]
Standing here before you, feels like i've been born again
Every breath is your love, every heartbeat speaks your name...

[Bridge 2]
My dreams came true, right here in front of you
My miracle...

[Chorus]
If you could see, what i see, you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...

[Bridge 3]
Brought me here to be with you,I'll be forever grateful (oh forever Faithful)
My dreams came true
When I found you
My miracle...

[Chorus]
If you could see, what i see, you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...
Yes they brought me here...
If you could feel, the tenderness i feel...
You would know, it would be clear, that angels brought me here...

MHaHe

“The best way to begin your speaking experience is to talk about a familiar subject – yourself.” goes Project 1 – The Ice Breaker on our Toastmaster’s manual. Whoa! Myself? Of course, who knows me better but me. However, formulating a speech about me seemed very difficult. “Of course, this subject is too broad for a short four-to six-minute presentation. You must narrow it by selecting three or four interesting aspects of your life that will give your fellow club members insight and understanding of you as an individual.”, the manual says further. Now, I have to decide which aspect of my life I should disclose. Is it my spiritual life? My social life? Or the more interesting, love life, which according to my colleague Weng, is missing in my life but something I beg to disagree. Well, anyway, I finally decided on telling you about how I come to be what I am now - ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the bold and daring Mhahe.

At job interviews, when asked to describe myself, I would always say I am typically shy, reserved, silent (every synonym of shy, believe me, I have used it to describe myself). And surprisingly, the interviewer would say, I don’t see that now.

Throughout my elementary and high school life, my teachers would always have this observation that I was shy and quiet and that I need to participate more in class since I have the potential and I am also intelligent.

Just last July, I had a get-together with my former colleagues and my former boss when I was a working scholar in USC. We were sharing about our individual lives and my boss informed me that if I needed a new job I should approach him. He inquired about the salary rate I wanted. I said, at least P15,000 monthly starting salary would be a good number. And he added, “I sure hope you’re not anymore the timid and super silent Mhahe I knew back then. By now, you should be able to speak up and express your thoughts clearly.” Of course I said, “Oh yes, I’m not anymore super silent and withdrawn.” I said this with a mixture of confidence and reluctance.

I just read an article in Readers’ Digest that discussed chronic shyness in children. It stated that studies show shy children score lower marks at school and miss out on extracurricular activities. And I thought if that is true I surely am not shy. When I was in school, I got high marks, enough to help me graduate with honors (except in college). I was involved in extracurricular activities too. I was part of the student council during some years in primary and secondary school. Nonetheless, I’d still say I was a member of the silent committee during those years. In college, as a working scholar, I was involved in a number of activities. I wrote for the newsletter. I got the opportunity to organize an Internet training for teachers. Oh yes, I got my hands full of self-development activities. But during meetings, my mouth usually remained shut all throughout and if asked I would just utter a yes or no or simply nod my head or shake it.

Ironic isn’t it? I reaped high marks, joined extracurricular activities yet I hardly spoke during meetings, was labeled withdrawn and silent.

As I have come to know myself better and as my self-analysis reveals, I am actually not shy, bashful, timid, aloof, etc. I just lacked some confidence. I had a very low self-esteem. More aptly, I didn’t believe in myself. All throughout my life, people around me believe so much in me yet I couldn’t. I didn’t want to say what was on my mind thinking that people would reject my ideas and I’d get humiliated. I didn’t want to be the center of attention since I’ll also be also the center of destruction. I didn’t want to lead since I know there are others better than me.

My first audit season in my first job spelled hopelessness, inadequacy, insecurities, failures. I was the worst. I couldn’t meet deadlines. There were always lacking procedures. I couldn’t defend my work. I couldn’t deliver. I was an “unwanted” staff. Since I already owned a very low self-esteem, my failures only made me feel worse. Instead of looking at them as challenges, or as areas to improve, I looked them as enemies ready to destroy me. I had the hardest, the most depressing state in my life. Waking up every morning was a burden. I wanted to disappear. Fear preceded me. Failure finished the race first before I even got to the starting line. I tell you, I tried so hard to improve. I tried so hard to do my job well. Yet it seemed all efforts failed. Drained and exhausted was I.

I got out of that pit eventually. Eventually I got my sense of self-worth back. I learned to think positive thoughts. I learned to believe in me. I learned a lot and it may take more than six minutes to tell you all about it. Most importantly, I learned to trust Him, that great guy up there, or shall I say, this great guy beside me. I learned to draw out my strength from Him.

I still do get bits of bouts of inadequacy, inferiority and worthlessness. But, you know, I can deal with them much better. Well, it’s a lifetime process but a little faith will do wonders.

As I continue to tread on life’s road, I worry no more. I’m bold about the trials and tribulations life brings. I’m brave enough to take on the challenges. Dare me.

Tears...

I saw you today....

I couldn't help it. Tears rolled down my eyes. I don't why. But seeing you from a distant made my heart ached.

I couldn't face you so I didn't sit at my usual spot. I tried avoiding you. I want to let you go. I'm doing everything I can so that this feeling would go away. Texts, phone calls, or a visit at the office...I'm avoiding all these...I don't want to feed this feeling coz I know it isn't right.

God knows how everything will turn out. I trust Him.

Away from You

I never really thought I'd go very crazy over you. I never thought my heart would eventually win. I never thought I'd feel this way. But all these happened.

It takes so long to get you out of my mind. And I know it may take even longer to take you away from my heart. With a new office, a new working environment, a different job, I know there'll be forgetting. Tomorrow, I shall know how it will be.

I have to let you go. I have to free myself from you. I know you are happy with her. And I have to be happy, too.

I'll always treasure our friendship. I'm glad you came into my life. Now my story is as great as I have imagined it to be.

Hurt

It hurts to know that you have found love in such short a time. It hurts to know that you have just been playing with my feelings. It hurts to know that I have waited in vain. It hurts to have not told you. But I know it hurts a lot to be rejected so I just have all these to myself. It hurts to know that this love of mine is unrequited. It hurts to know you have found your true love much sooner than me. It hurts so much to know that you aren't mine.

Good luck to your love life. I hope it does have a happy ending.

It's time to let go...

I guess this is it. I guess this is the answer to my question. And I'm still the victim. I'm the unfortunate woman. I should have let you go when you told me our love story doesn't have a happy ending. I should have realized that you meant every word of it. I guess I made a fool of myself. But this time,. I'll make it true. I 'll make it firm. I have to let you go. I'll put off every flicker of hope. You're just not the one. ..Painful, but thank you anyway.

It's time to say goodbye. It's a lot better to let go of the feelings no matter how hurting it is than go on fighting when it's only me doing it...good bye!

Have you finally found her?

It seems like you are getting along well. I do hope both of you had found each other. I do hope you are happy with her. I do hope you have finally found love and found someone to share it with. As a friend, I always wish the best for you even if it would hurt me. Well, what can I say, I am just one unlucky girl. And as usual, you aren't still the one. I am just thankful for everything I went through. I am certainly grateful that for a while you made me feel so good about me. You made me feel that out there in the vast and complicated world, there is someone like me, someone who shares the same interests, thoughts and dreams. I've experienced how it is to be in love and experienced the pain, hurt, excitement of it all. Though we never went really far and never got to say what we truly feel, I'm just happy of it all. I just hope one day, someday, we could talk, as mature individuals, of what really happened between us and if what we had was real. Or what you truly feel for me. And I hope things would never be too late. And despite the pain you have given me, though you may not know it, I still would want us to be friends, yes, very very good friends. Bear in my mind that no matter what happens, I will always be here for you. Good luck with this new path you're treading. I wish you all the best with her. =)

I Finally Told Her

At last, I was able to tell her. At last, my pretensions are over. Well, with her, of course. Funny it all seems how we have fallen for the same guy. Funny how we were smitten by his charms. Haha...We could just laugh about everything!

I have indeed found a real friend in her. I wish this would be a start to finding answers to my questions. No matter how hurting it would be...No matter how painful the answers are. No matter how surprising they are, I just want the answers. Maybe I'd have to wait. I will. As long as I'll find them. While I wait, I'll enjoy myself. Enjoy my life. Time, as always, still holds the key to everything.

My dear friend, I am so blessed to have you, so blessed that we are in this together. I pray you will be able to find Mr. Right. I pray that God will lead you to the right man. The waiting may seem long but it's always worth the wait.

Oh well...

It seems like you're ending whatever we have...it seems like I have indeed waited in vain. Oh well, if that is how you want things to be, there's nothing much I can do. I have tried to get my message across and I wouldn't say you didn't get it. Oh well, I have done my part and I know you're telling me that I can't get what I want. Oh well, I have to move on. Maybe, the right guy isn't just you and maybe he's just around the corner. I have just been blinded by you. I'm so sorry to bother you. And I won't ever bother you again. But thank you anyway, you have made my life colorful; so later on in my life there's something to look back and smile and there's a story I can tell. It's hard, you know, you just made me very confused. You have given me joy yet you have caused so much pain and grief. I have to let you go in the same way that you have also let me go. I thought you have come back...I was wrong...oh well, I was right! You just came back not the way I want it to be. And all along, you were just one of them - they came, gave me happiness, and then just walked away, without saying a word...oh well, this is life. It's full of surprises; like a box of chocolates you'll never know what you'll get....oh well...

Waiting in Vain

It seems like you want me to wait. If that is how you want it to be, go ahead. It's your call not mine. It just so happens I'm a girl. I can't force you. I can't make decisions for you. You know, if I have to wait, that's not really a problem. I am willing to wait. But then you haven't really said anything. Your eyes tell me something but I can't be sure. Your actions do tell me something yet I can't be sure. Your words sometimes say something but I can' still trust them. Though I sense some sincerity, I still can't be sure. I'm a woman, a woman in love. And a friend shared to me this wonderful thought - A woman in love can build a palace of happiness from a few fragments of hope. I don't want to find hope in your words, actions and your looks. I might only be deceived. While this is how you want it to be, I just hope the waiting is all worth it. You said you'd like to let things grow on you for them to stay. If this is how you want it, I'd be willing to let them grow and I hope we do get to let those things grow - love, courage and hope.

I wish, I hope... I won't be waiting in vain for your love.

Jealous

I don't know why...I'm beginning to feel the most dreaded thing - jealousy, when there is nothing to be jealous about. I don't know why I don't want to see both of you so happy and then here I am in the corner watching you. It seems like you own the whole world...

I don't care what you do. It's none of my business.  I don't own you...and I don't have any right to your heart. For the meantime, I'm closing my heart to you.  I hate it when I feel this way...I can't think well and much more I can't work well.

I'll stop this stupid notion that you ever like me...How foolish of me to think that someone like you would ever be interested in someone like me. I wish I won't be there when you'll finally meet the girl of your dreams. I don't want to be there to face you. The pain...it's something I cannot bear.

Moving on...

sometimes one has to move on. leaving behind so many questions unanswered. one has to leave them just as they are and not confront the problem. one has to move away so things will be better. it does hurt but it would hurt more if one has to dig deeper into the issue. sometimes silence is the best solution. although silence complicates things and deeply hurts people , it is the better solution. it doesn't matter if only one gets hurt as long as the people you love won't get hurt. the only consolation would be that time will heal the wounds and time knows how things will end up. eventually everything will be at its right place.

HUH!

They're sending me away again. I don't know what to expect. It seems like history is repeating itself but it's so soon. I'm going away again. You have another chance. You have another test. I'm a bit reluctant of going away. But somehow I wanna go too. I wanna know if you truly have feelings for her. Because it seems that when I am around, you are hesitant to show your true feelings. I don't know if you just don't want me to get hurt. This is indeed another test. You just don't know that I held on. You just don't know that when I was away, there was never a day I did not think of you. No one else comes close to you. You are so special. I wish I could just tell you...but then I fear the rejection...why can't you just say it? why can't you just tell me? I won't say a thing unless you tell me...it pains but it pains more when you're rejected.

I don't know...

I don't know what to expect...but i don't want to expect. I don't want to let my feelings take control of me...It seems you have taken a back seat. I don't know your plans. I don't know what's in your mind, what's in your heart. And for the time being...for this moment, i'd like to enjoy myself. I don't want to occupy myself thinking, asking, guessing what we have...if it's friendship, i'm very happy for it. i'm not expecting more than this. i'm happy with the way things are. whatever your heart seeks, i just hope it gets it. i've prepared myself for the worst. i'm happy you came into my life. i'm so blessed all these things happened. i'm so darn lucky to have felt this way. thank you! and i wish you well for everything you want to achieve.

i don't know why this feeling has become more intense...it seems to me that we both know how we feel...yet i still feel reserved of it all. i'm afraid really of expecting too much. what if you will fade away? what if suddenly you tell me the feeling is gone? i can't feel secure until i hear the words...until you tell me what's in your heart...i wish i too could tell you what's in my heart, but i just can't...not now...but soon...

COULD BE WRONG
by MYMP

If I could hold your hand
Look into your eyes
Would you try to understand
The things I'm gonna say


If I could show you, boy
How much I feel for you
Would you turn around and tell me
You feel the same way too


CHORUS
Could be wrong you know
Comin' out the blue
I really have to say this
Baby, I love you


If I could get it right
And tell you face to face
Would you think that I am true
Believe me when I say


I wanna let you know
I just don't know the way
I wanna shout it out
Hear me when I say


These blues will always hang around
Until the moment I let it go
And let you know
Baby, I love you

I wanna let you know
Baby, I love you
This you ought to know

I feel so happy when i'm with you. I think of you most of the time. I feel so confident. I feel so loved. But you know, i'm afraid...afraid that i'm just expecting too much and in the end, everything will shatter. I fear hurt, the pain that would come later. I don't know...everything has become so complicated. I really don't want to expect much. There's just so much pain when things don't go the way you want them to be. I'm afraid to fall. What if you just let me, and you won't catch me. I just want you to hold on 'coz i'm holding on. If things are meant to be,somehow, somewhere, they will be. They will happen as they should happen. For you, i will hold on. I hope you'll do the same for me, too.


FOR YOU

INTRO


For you I give a lifetime of stability
Anything you want of me
And nothin' is impossible
For you there are no words or ways to show my love
Or all the thoughts I'm thinking of
'Cause this life is no good alone
Since we've become one, I've made a change
Everything I do now makes sense
All roads end
All I do is for you


For you I share the cup of love that overflows
And anyone who knows us knows
That I would change all faults I have
For you there is no low or high or in between
Of my heart you haven't seen
'Cause I share all I have and am
Nothing I've said's hard to understand
And all I feel, I feel deeper still
And always will
All this love is for you


REFRAIN
Every note that I play
Every word I might say
And every melody I feel
Are only for you and your appeal

Every page that I write
Everyday of my life
Would not be filled without the things
That my love for you now brings


For you I'd make a promise of fidelity
Now and for eternity
And no one could replace this vow
For you I'd take your hand and heart and everything
And add to them a wedding ring
'Cause this life is no good alone
Since we've become one, you're all I know
And if this feeling should leave, I'd die
And here's why
All I am is for you


CODA
Everything I do now makes sense
All roads end
All I do is for you

i don't know why i still feel so strongly for you...after everything that had happened...why do i still think about you? why do i feel that i mean something to you? i'm happy being with you...really...and you will always be someone special to me... :)

darn! i should have realized it long before...he does not have any feelings for me. i'm just a friend. and all along, those moves, those words, they meant nothing to him. i'm so stupid. This is the second time and surely this means something. It means it's time, time for me to wake up and stop dreaming. I gues it was just right and meant to be that i went away and she and him stayed here coz at those times, there were no disturbances, no eyes and ears to watch and hear them. I guess their feelings were unleashed, and i guess that time was just right. i should have known all along that those songs he sang weren't meant for me but for her. now, i know why he wouldn't carry my things for me, now i know why he wouldn't accompany me. how stupid of me! how desperate have i gotten! i do not deserve a guy like him, who'd just play with my feelings...he doesn't deserve my feelings...i should have known that he had thrown it away the very first time i gave it to him... =(


OUT OF REACH
by Gabrielle

Knew the signs
Wasn't right
I was stupid for a while
Swept away by you
And now I feel like a fool
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be

Catch myself
From despair
I could drown
If I stay here
Keeping busy everyday
I know I will be OK

But I was
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be

So much hurt,
So much pain
Takes a while
To regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time,
You'll be out of my mind
And I'll be over you

But now I'm
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach,
So far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be

Out of reach,
So far
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
There's a life out there
For me

yes, i do like u so much! but i just can't let it show, i just can't let you know. i don't want to get hurt. i don't want to give everything to you coz i just can't take it if you won't take me. i'm guilty, yes, but i won't let you know. i'd been fooled and i don't want that to happen again.

GUILTY
Blue

VS 1 - (DUNCAN)

I never want to play the games that people play
I never want to hear the things they gotta say
I've found everything I need
I never wanted anymore than I can see
I only want you to believe

CHORUS - (LEE)
If it's wrong to tell the truth
Then what am I supposed to do
When all I want to do is speak my mind (speak my mind) - [ALL]
If it's wrong to do what's right
I'm prepared to testify
If loving you with all my heart's a crime - [ALL]

Then I'm guilty

VS2 - (SIMON)
I wanna give you all the things you never had
Don't try to tell me how he treats you isn't bad
I need you back in my life
I never wanted just to be the other guy (be the other guy - LEE)
I never wanted to live a lie

CHORUS - (LEE)
If it's wrong to tell the truth
What am I supposed to do
All I want to do is speak my mind (speak my mind) - ALL
If it's wrong to do what's right
I'm prepared to testify
If loving you with all my heart's a crime - ALL
Then I'm guilty

BRIDGE - (ANTONY)
Girl I followed my heart
Followed the truth
Right from the start it led me to you
Please don't leave me this way
I'm guilty now all I have to say

CHORUS - (LEE)
If it's wrong to tell the truth
Then what am I supposed to do
When all I want to do is speak my mind (speak my mind) - ALL
If it's wrong to do what's right
I'm prepared to testify
If loving you with all my hearts a crime - ALL
Then I'm guilty

OUTRO
What am I supposed to do (Duncan)
Then I'm guilty (Lee)
All I wanna do is speak my mind (All)
Gulity (Lee)
Then I'm guilty (Lee)
I'm prepared to testify (Duncan)
If it's wrong to do what's right then tell me about this feeling inside (Lee)
If loving you with all my hearts a crime (All)
I'm Guilty (Duncan)

i might as well enjoy this friendship we have and not expect much from you. and like what our friend believes, cherish every person that comes along your way, i will cherish you. now i realize what this truly means. i'll cherish this friendship and whatever happens along the way, i'll always be your friend. i'm not expecting much from you but that i can assure you i'll give everything i can for you, all for the sake of our friendship... =)

huh! it's really tiring...all these guessing games...i'd really like not to like you so much coz they say that the guys you'll end up with will be those u really don't like. and i'm afraid of really losing you. this is really the first time i have liked a guy this much and as they say this is just the beginning and that i'm really bound to lose you or get hurt. i don't want to like you so much. i know you really like her. i can sense that you are trying to get yourself near her and distancing yourself from me. if you truly like her, there's nothing i can do. i cannot teach your heart. i don't want to think about you anymore...i'd just would like to laugh on all these things...this is just the start...i know i can't have you...you deserve her, not me,some fat ugly woman... this is sad, but if it is the truth, i have to accept it. it hurts, really, but this is just all about it.

i still think of you most of the time...and when you come near me, how i wish i could hold your hand or give you one huge hug. i don't know how long i will continue this illusion. i know the chances are slim, yet i still hope that someday you'll know, someday i'll be able to tell you and yes, someday you'll feel the same way for me, too. this is really hard, you know, always guessing (and hoping) what's in your heart. is it me or is it someone else? i haven't really told anyone you know about these very special feelings of mine. i'm afraid that this would strain our friendship. and if you should notice, i haven't really shown my feelings for you, even a bit, or if i had, it must have been so little to notice. i really don't want to assume coz i know how much it hurts to dream for things that will never ever be yours. i don't want to go so far and then find that i just have to throw this love away.