darn! i should have realized it long before...he does not have any feelings for me. i'm just a friend. and all along, those moves, those words, they meant nothing to him. i'm so stupid. This is the second time and surely this means something. It means it's time, time for me to wake up and stop dreaming. I gues it was just right and meant to be that i went away and she and him stayed here coz at those times, there were no disturbances, no eyes and ears to watch and hear them. I guess their feelings were unleashed, and i guess that time was just right. i should have known all along that those songs he sang weren't meant for me but for her. now, i know why he wouldn't carry my things for me, now i know why he wouldn't accompany me. how stupid of me! how desperate have i gotten! i do not deserve a guy like him, who'd just play with my feelings...he doesn't deserve my feelings...i should have known that he had thrown it away the very first time i gave it to him... =(


OUT OF REACH
by Gabrielle

Knew the signs
Wasn't right
I was stupid for a while
Swept away by you
And now I feel like a fool
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be

Catch myself
From despair
I could drown
If I stay here
Keeping busy everyday
I know I will be OK

But I was
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be

So much hurt,
So much pain
Takes a while
To regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time,
You'll be out of my mind
And I'll be over you

But now I'm
So confused,
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?

Out of reach,
So far
I never had your heart
Out of reach,
Couldn't see
We were never
Meant to be

Out of reach,
So far
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
There's a life out there
For me

yes, i do like u so much! but i just can't let it show, i just can't let you know. i don't want to get hurt. i don't want to give everything to you coz i just can't take it if you won't take me. i'm guilty, yes, but i won't let you know. i'd been fooled and i don't want that to happen again.

GUILTY
Blue

VS 1 - (DUNCAN)

I never want to play the games that people play
I never want to hear the things they gotta say
I've found everything I need
I never wanted anymore than I can see
I only want you to believe

CHORUS - (LEE)
If it's wrong to tell the truth
Then what am I supposed to do
When all I want to do is speak my mind (speak my mind) - [ALL]
If it's wrong to do what's right
I'm prepared to testify
If loving you with all my heart's a crime - [ALL]

Then I'm guilty

VS2 - (SIMON)
I wanna give you all the things you never had
Don't try to tell me how he treats you isn't bad
I need you back in my life
I never wanted just to be the other guy (be the other guy - LEE)
I never wanted to live a lie

CHORUS - (LEE)
If it's wrong to tell the truth
What am I supposed to do
All I want to do is speak my mind (speak my mind) - ALL
If it's wrong to do what's right
I'm prepared to testify
If loving you with all my heart's a crime - ALL
Then I'm guilty

BRIDGE - (ANTONY)
Girl I followed my heart
Followed the truth
Right from the start it led me to you
Please don't leave me this way
I'm guilty now all I have to say

CHORUS - (LEE)
If it's wrong to tell the truth
Then what am I supposed to do
When all I want to do is speak my mind (speak my mind) - ALL
If it's wrong to do what's right
I'm prepared to testify
If loving you with all my hearts a crime - ALL
Then I'm guilty

OUTRO
What am I supposed to do (Duncan)
Then I'm guilty (Lee)
All I wanna do is speak my mind (All)
Gulity (Lee)
Then I'm guilty (Lee)
I'm prepared to testify (Duncan)
If it's wrong to do what's right then tell me about this feeling inside (Lee)
If loving you with all my hearts a crime (All)
I'm Guilty (Duncan)

i might as well enjoy this friendship we have and not expect much from you. and like what our friend believes, cherish every person that comes along your way, i will cherish you. now i realize what this truly means. i'll cherish this friendship and whatever happens along the way, i'll always be your friend. i'm not expecting much from you but that i can assure you i'll give everything i can for you, all for the sake of our friendship... =)

huh! it's really tiring...all these guessing games...i'd really like not to like you so much coz they say that the guys you'll end up with will be those u really don't like. and i'm afraid of really losing you. this is really the first time i have liked a guy this much and as they say this is just the beginning and that i'm really bound to lose you or get hurt. i don't want to like you so much. i know you really like her. i can sense that you are trying to get yourself near her and distancing yourself from me. if you truly like her, there's nothing i can do. i cannot teach your heart. i don't want to think about you anymore...i'd just would like to laugh on all these things...this is just the start...i know i can't have you...you deserve her, not me,some fat ugly woman... this is sad, but if it is the truth, i have to accept it. it hurts, really, but this is just all about it.

i still think of you most of the time...and when you come near me, how i wish i could hold your hand or give you one huge hug. i don't know how long i will continue this illusion. i know the chances are slim, yet i still hope that someday you'll know, someday i'll be able to tell you and yes, someday you'll feel the same way for me, too. this is really hard, you know, always guessing (and hoping) what's in your heart. is it me or is it someone else? i haven't really told anyone you know about these very special feelings of mine. i'm afraid that this would strain our friendship. and if you should notice, i haven't really shown my feelings for you, even a bit, or if i had, it must have been so little to notice. i really don't want to assume coz i know how much it hurts to dream for things that will never ever be yours. i don't want to go so far and then find that i just have to throw this love away.

It's so difficult not to think of you...but i have finally decided to let you go. I don't want to think of the possibility that there could be "us" when this seems bleak...you don't have any feelings for me except that you just want me as a friend. obviously, someone else is on your mind and i don't want to hurt myself and make my life miserable just because of this silly presumption. but i don't want to lose you coz u are one great friend. and that will always remain.

You really seem so in high spirits now. From the looks of it, i could say you're in love. But from the way you say things, it seems you're forcing yourself to be in love. Oh well, I guess, I'm just jealous...but not really...I'm even happy by the way things are going. You - in love with her, and me waiting for that guy who'll sweep me off my feet and being happy for you and enjoying this friendship we have...I hope things will get along well between you and her, the girl of your dreams. As what you have said, you just gotta listen to your heart...listen well. I know that deep in that heart of yours, there lies the truth and you just can't deny it. Time will tell when it will finally get out and things will be so clear. Everything will be in its right place...Good luck, my pal!

Now I know...why you have not really said anything to me or made your moves...Now I know that all along you've been praying for her. You still love her and I realize she still holds the biggest place in your heart. It did hurt for a while when I realized how foolish have I been to assume things that never ever existed, and to have hoped. And now that you have found her, I pray that it will work out this time between the two of you. God has answered your prayer and He has answered mine too. He gave me the answers to all my questions and resolved all these confusions. Now, I'm at peace that you have found yours...and I hope I would find mine too. She is so blessed to have you. I, indeed, am also very blessed that you came into my life, albeit, not the way I had wanted it. It's nice to have you. I'm not ending what we have, this friendship. I shall keep this for it's one best gifts I have received.

Sometimes I feel like telling you how I feel. Sometimes I give you hints, yet part of me doesn't really want to give it all. You know, I'm afraid you might be taken aback. I don't want to surprise you. I'm afraid you might get scared and run away and never come back...I don't want to lose you. And I'm also confused, 'coz I have the feeling that you feel the same way for me too. But you're also afraid of telling me. If you only knew...that you mean so much to me, you make me so happy. Would you tell me now? I need to know, I need to know if I shall still hope...or I shall forever forget you. That's all I ask, please tell me...

I wish i could...

How i wish i could tell you how i feel...how i wish i could tell you how much you mean to me and that i like you so much...but it's not easy to say those things...i don't want to be hurt, to feel rejected. i know it's excruciatingly painful. Thus i resolve to take out all these feelings and throw them away and hope someone else will catch them, someone who'd return them to me with much joy and enthusiasm...and i still do hope that someone would be YOU...but for now, i'm letting you go, slowly pushing you to oblivion. I'll put off that flicker of hope for the meantime and bring it back when you are ready, ready to give back these feelings. If I could just have the courage...but i don't.

This is just a start...who knows, I'll be keeping this forever...so to you my dear blog...let's keep going and let this be a bond we'll keep for a lifetime.