I got a book this Christmas!

I love books, so uber in love with them! So that if I am able to purchase a new one or if I receive it as a gift, my spirits shoot up to the high heavens! This Christmas, I am thankful to my manito/friend/neighbor Julius for giving me the book - The Time Traveller's Wife. I wasn't really expecting to get hold of this. It is quite pricey and the minimum budget of our kris kringle was 200 pesos. But my manito is richey! So what is a little over 200 pesos in excess of the minimum?! I actually had 3 choices in my wishlist - Body Shop GC, TTTW,or USB storage device. I don't know why he decided TTTW. But I am glad he did! Thanks again Juls!:)

I brought the book with me on my Cebu vacation. I was really early at the airport so the book was such a good companion while waiting for my flight. I've read 1/16 of the book and I can say it is indeed a good one. I like the way that the story is told in alternating first-person perspective of the two main characters - Clare and Henry. The author's way of writing is so descriptive, so full of emotions. You could really feel the intensity of love, frustration, heartache, and longing. Read below a brief description of the book from Wikipedia. (Btw, there's a film version of the book. I am dying to watch it. Still looking for where I can find it - pirated copy from the net or DVD/VCD).

The Time Traveler's Wife, published in 2003, is the debut novel of American author Audrey Niffenegger. It is a love story about a man with a genetic disorder that causes him to time travel unpredictably, and about his wife, an artist, who has to cope with his frequent absences and dangerous experiences. Niffenegger, frustrated in love when she began the work, wrote the story as a metaphor for her failed relationships. The tale's central relationship came to her suddenly and subsequently supplied the novel's title. The novel, which has been classified as both science fiction and romance, examines issues of love, loss, and free will. In particular, it uses time travel to explore miscommunication and distance in relationships, while also investigating deeper existential questions.

As a first-time novelist, Niffenegger had trouble finding a literary agent. She eventually sent the novel to MacAdam/Cage unsolicited and, after an auction took place for the rights, Niffenegger selected them as her publisher. The book became a bestseller after an endorsement from author and family friend Scott Turow on The Today Show, and as of March 2009 had sold nearly 2.5 million copies in the United States and the United Kingdom. Many reviewers were impressed with Niffenegger's unique perspective on time travel. Some praised her characterization of the couple, applauding their emotional depth; others criticized her writing style as melodramatic and the plot as emotionally trite. The novel won the Exclusive Books Boeke Prize and a British Book Award.

Can't wait to finish reading TTTW.

I leave you with this quote: "Why is love intensified by absence?" Clare.

Romance Revisited

One of the nicest, bestest gifts I got this Christmas is the 'Romance Revisited The Love Songs of Jose Mari Chan' CD of Christian Bautista. Last time, I posted that I saw Christian in person. So it is such a wonderful thing to receive his latest album as a gift. I have listened to it so many times and I am just in awe of Christian's voice and the romantic tone of it. There is truly no other singer who can rightfully sing Jose Mari Chan's songs but Christian Bautista.


Thanks a lot to my roommie Helena for giving me that CD! Luv u dai Lena! May you be blessed immensely this 2010. I know what you're wishing and hoping for. May God bless your heart and dreams!

why

why do i still have questions i wanna ask? why do i still want to spend a few moments with you alone? why does it pain me that you have kept your distance when that was what i had asked? why am i missing you? WHY??!!!!

WHY (Avril Lavigne)

Why, do you always do this to me
Why, couldn't you just see it through me
How come, you act like this
Like you just don't care at all
Do you expect me to believe
I was the only one to fall

I can feel I can feel you near me
Even though you're far away
I can feel I can feel you baby
Why

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you I need you I need you
Tell me

Are you and me still together
Tell me
Do you think we could last forever
Tell me
Why


Hey
Listen to what we're not saying
Let's play
A different game then what we're playin'
Try
To look at me and really see my heart
Do you expect me to believe, I'm gonna let us fall apart

I can feel I can feel you near me
Even when you're far away
I can feel I can feel you baby
Why

It's not supposed to feel this way
I need you I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you I need you I need you
Tell me

Are you and me still together
Tell me
You think we could last forever
Tell me
Why

so go and think about
whatever you need to think about
Go on dream about
Whatever you need to dream about
Then come back to me
When you know just how you feel, you feel

I can feel I can feel you near me
Even though you're far away
I can feel I can feel you baby
Why

It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you I need you I need you
Tell me

It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you I need you
More and more each day
It's not supposed to hurt this way
I need you I need you I need you
Tell me

Are you and me still together
Tell me
You think we could last forever
Tell me
Why

You made my day!

Absurd, jologs, baduy as it sounds but I don't care! And I don't mind telling people that I met,aahhh, not really the right word, better yet say, I saw HIM, in warm flesh and blood! My eyes couldn't believe it! I saw him. So close. Today. Where? Well, my ex-teammate invited me and some friends for some pizza and soda at S&R to celebrate his bday last week. What such a lucky day! What such a lucky fan! Almost on our last bite, Arse's current teammate mentioned that there's an 'artista' near the exit door. We all turned our heads, and lo and behold, there he is, my dream guy-tedengggg! --- Christian Bautista. The excitement and all that comes with seeing your idol, your dream guy, your whatever, I had it that moment. The downside of that day was that none of us was bringing a celfone. Well Arse had a cellfone but his was lowbatt and he thinks it was a bit jologs. So we weren't able to take a pic. No photo memoir. How sad =( Nevertheless, the important thing is I saw him. And got a lil closer. And I walked back to the office giddy and happy. He just made my day. =)

CAN'T FIGHT THIS FEELING (Reo Speedwagon)

I can't fight this feeling any longer.
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow.
What started out as friendship,
Has grown stronger.
I only wish I had the strength to let it show.

I tell myself that I can't hold OUT forever.
I said there is no reason for my fear.
Cause I feel so secure when we're together.
You give my life direction,
You make everything so clear.

And even as I WANDER,
I'm keeping you in sight.
You're a candle in the window,
On a cold, dark winter's night.
And I'm getting closer than I ever THOUGHT I MIGHT.

And I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
It's time to bring this ship into the shore,
And throw away the oars, forever.

Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
And if I have to crawl upon the floor,
Come crashing through your door,
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore.

My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you.
I've been running round in circles in my mind.
And it always seems that I'm following you, girl,
Cause you take me to the places,
That alone I'd never find.

And even as I wander,
I'm keeping you in sight.
You're a candle in the wind,
On a cold, dark winter's night.
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might.

And I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
It's time to bring this ship into the shore,
And throw away the oars, forever.

Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore.
I've forgotten what I started fighting for.
And if I have to crawl upon the floor,
Come crashing through your door,
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore.

My Childhood Dreams

I am currently reading Randy Pausch's The Last Lecture. And the book in so many instances talks about achieving your childhood dreams. So it got me thinking and asking myself if I have actually achieved my childhood dreams.So here a took stock of my chilhood dreams...

1 - I wanted to learn ballet. I so remember when I was a child how I loved doing pirouettes (in a child's way), and swinging my arms around the air just like a ballerina. Back then, Lisa Macuja was an icon. In fact, when she did a show at the cultural center in my school, I was able to ask for her autograph. I and a couple of classmates sneaked at their rehearsal. I felt so much honored to have met her. Ironically, I haven't seen any of her shows.

2 - I wanted to study painting/drawing. Kids were usually enrolled in just about any kind of classes during summer. My parents had me took piano, keyboard and swimming lessons back then. But they were never able to enroll me in painting/drawing lessons. I recall that there was one time I asked my mom that I really wanted to learn painting/drawing. Not sure why it didn't happen. Maybe because it was a bit expensive or maybe because they saw I didn't need it much since I had an inherent talent. Well, I was really good in drawing then. I won a poster making contest, joined a painting contest (but lost), always asked by friends to draw their paper dolls, etc. I really wanted to develop this talent...But I guess it just never happened. I think I have lost my creativity and I swear I want to bring this back. I still am itching to study painting.

3 - I wanted to own a library. I wanted to own a gazillion of books. This has largely been influenced by my father and my aunt. My first storybooks were given to me by my aunt. These books were Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Cinderella, and The Ugly Duckling. I truly treasured these books. Sad to say I don't know where they are now. My aunt also introduced me to detective novels Nancy Drew, Bobsey Twins, and Hardy Boys. When I was 10, I started borrowing these books from the school library. And yes I was able to own a Nancy Drew book.
My father's influence came from the fact that he had quite a collection of books at home. These were mostly religous books. I never really read them (though I was able to use a few of them as references in school work). I just so loved flipping through their pages. And I was happy with the idea of being surrounded by his books. He also had a bunch of Reader's Digest which he used to subscribed when he was single. I read some of them and yeah I could say RD's articles and stories years ago were more interesting (and many). Over the years, and as I grew up, he continued to buy me books but stopped when I was able to afford them. My affection for books hasn't changed. I may now have my own "collection" of books. But still they aren't enough to call a "library".

And so they are just three. Just three childhood dreams. These are all I could remember and all these I have not achieved fully. Studying ballet will never ever be fulfilled. It's too impossible to learn this at my age. I'll get broken bones and frustration. In replacement, I can watch a Lisa Macuja performance. How about studying painting/drawing? This is never too late. I still can do this. I've seen a school not far from where I live. I can try to inquire. Surely, this will be a to-do thing for me next year. What about owning a library? Well, I am doing this now bit by bit, little by little. I have my books, and there are more to come. To where and how they should be arranged still remains a vision. But I know it is going on its way to that.

By writing these childhood dreams of mine, I feel excited and rejuvenated. It reminds me of my "happiness" as a child. It takes out stress and work burdens.

Since these dreams are still a work in progress, I have vowed that they shall be fulfilled no matter what. Tomorrow I'm going to call that art school. =)

TRY (OST - Fame, sung by Asher Book)

If i walk would you run
If i stop would you come
If i say you're the one would you believe me
If i ask you to stay would you show me the way
Tell me what to say so you don't leave me
The world is catching up to you
While your running away to chase your dream
It's time for us to make a move cause we are asking one another to change
And maybe i'm not ready

Chorus
But i'm trying for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We've been hiding enough

If i sing you a song would you sing along
Or wait till i'm gone, oh how we push and pull
If i give you my heart would you just play the part
Or tell me it's the start of something beautiful
Am i catching up to you
While your running away, to chase your dreams
It's time for us to face the truth cause we are coming to each other to change
And maybe i'm not ready

Chorus
But i'm trying for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We've been hiding enough

I will try for your love
I can hide up above

2x huh huhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh huh huhhh

If i walk would you run
If i stop would you come
If i say you're the one would you believe me

It's the Little Imperfections That Make One Perfect...

What is A Valid Reason To Love?

What is a valid reason for someone to love someone else? This was a question Bella asked Jacob at one point in the book New Moon of the Twilight Saga. And it got me thinking too, is there really a reason for you to love someone? Is there such a thing as a love that is wrong? Is loving someone ever wrong? Someone asked me that some time ago. And I couldn't help but agree. But then again what if this someone you love is in some situation that makes it wrong? What if he is committed? What if he's married? But how can you stop the feelings at all? The more you hesitate, the more it grows stronger. For a while I thought about it real hard. I isolated myself at some time, reflected on the questions, seeking answers. And then I came to a realization - the feelings stay, the love stays, but you can make everything right by physically distancing yourself from the person. Physical distance means literally being away from him/her. Avoiding communication as much as possible. I think over time the "strong feelings" will go away. To forget the person may never happen but to forget the feelings will happen. This is when I can say that TIME is the solution. And when both of you know the gravity of the situation and when both of you acknowledge the complexity of it all, everything works out.

To my friend - I know I've hurt you in one way or another by words I said or the deeds I did. I was just confused, troubled and wanted everything to be right. I also want you to know how special you are to me. That probably won't change.
I know you know how I feel, what I think about the situation and everything else. And I ask just a little respect and understanding. I also assure you that I now understand your feelings and what it's like in your case. Know that I respect you too. And I have been praying constantly. God knows best.
My friend, we can make this right.

Life Management

I attended a two-day course entitled Time Management. You know I've read lots of time management techniques over the years. But I didn't expect this course was going to be any of them. Well yes there were perennial principles presented like prioritization - what's urgent and important. But then the speakers or trainors had something more. The real meat of the course was life management. The part that I really liked best was that when we were asked to map out our life. Our goals, dreams, all those things we want to happen in our life would be mapped out over our remaining years on earth (supposedly). So if I expected to live until 80, I have 52 more years. And over these 52 years, I would allocate years to each of the four seasons of life which are spring, summer, fall, and winter. In each of these seasons, I would have to put in what I want to happen on these 3 aspects - personal, relational and professional. It's amazing how my life map turned out. And it feels fulfilling to be writing them down despite not yet achieving any of them. I feel so empowered. And it makes me want to work at them right now. I've really been thinking hard how I can achieve them. If God wills them so, let them be. If not, then I know God knows what's best for me. The important thing is I know what I want. And my life has a purpose. That is what life management is about - knowing your purpose and living your life in its accordance.

char kaayo nga mga quotes and poems

Sonnet 17 of Pablo Neruda’s 100 Love Sonnets

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms,
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep

***********************

I don't regret the things I have done or the things I have chosen not to do because what ever I've done, I must have done something right because I ended up with you.

***********************
from Brida by Paulo Coelho

"People give flowers as presents because flowers contain the true meaning of Love. Anyone who tries to possess a flower will have to watch its beauty fading. But if you simply look at a flower in a field, you will keep it forever, because the flower is part of the evening and the sunset and the smell of damp earth and the clouds on the horizon."

"That is what the forest taught me. That you will never be mine, and that is why I will never lose you. You were my hope during my days of loneliness, my anxiety during moments of doubt, my certainty during moments of faith. Knowing my soulmate would come one day, I devoted myself to learning the Tradition of the Sun. Knowing that you existed was my one reason for continuing to live."

"I will always remember now that love is liberty."

**********************

E. B. WHITE: Charlotte, "Charlotte's Web"

You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what's a life, anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die. A spider's life can't help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone's life can stand a little of that.

HaUzMaTeS

Housemates...

When I decided to accept the offer for work in Manila, I knew that I wasn't going to be living on space of my own. I can't afford that, you know. I can't afford a 10k rented condo unit, or even a 6k rented space. Well, probably I could if I am not sending money back home. So I was prepared to live with other people. It should be a first in my life. This is the first time I have lived away from home.

In my one year stay here in Manila, I have moved twice, or I have lived in 3 different houses. First, I stayed on a condo on a share-a-condo set up. According to a friend, it means you're just a glorified bedspacer. I paid 2.7k for a bed space, in a 4 bedroom condo unit along Pasong Tamo. Yes, the place was good, conveniently situated - McDonald's, Chowking, KFC, and Shopwise were just a short walk away (you can go there in you PJs). What I find rather inconvenient was that in our room, there were five of us! And in that unit, there were 10 occupants sharing the kitchen, the dining-cum-reception, and laundry areas. So it was literally a "full house". Even in our room, we couldn't get all our clothes out of our luggages simply because there was no space. If all of us changed clothes together, we'd be bumping to each other. But of course, it wasn't at all that bad. It was fun, in a way. I had interesting roommates. We'd watch VCDs/DVDs on weekends, or chika to the max. Thus, it was a bit sad when I left after 3 months.

I moved to Taguig, where some of my Bisdak colleagues are staying. It was really okay. The place was well kept, quiet surroundings, good water supply. Although, our unit was a bit small but it was ok since there were only 4 of us. There were two rooms - a friend and her hubby occupied one. I and a new found friend occupied the other one. We loved it there at first. But later on, it didn't prove to be worthwhile at all. First, the owner was an AH. (Sorry for the word, but a lot of people would agree.) She was just too much strict. Too much "businessy". If it hadn't been for the one year contract we signed, we could have left that place after 3 months.

But what I really cherished on staying there was that I had friends. There were about 8 of us Bisdaks. And come Fridays and weekends, we'd gather for an all-nighter (or all morning?) of DVD, card games, mahjong, etc. It was fun and stress relieving.

When our Bisdak friends' contract expired, they had decided to move out. They couldn't take another year of dealing with the owner. Since my roomie went back to Cebu, I had decided to join them. They would become now my third set of housemates.

Now, I am staying in an apartment in Palanan, Makati with 4 friends - all Bisdak and working in the same company as me. There are 3 males and 2 females in this house. Allow me to introduce them. Let's start by age, the oldest first. His name is Roliver. He's 30 something. I don't know his age exactly. But I know he's "lapas na sa kalendaryo". He's married with 2 kids, and 1 on the way. He's more of like the father figure in the house being the oldest. But don't judge him as the most serious one. He's not. He jokes a lot, and is so game to watch one movie even on a weekday. Even if it lastas till 2am.

Next to Roliver in age is Ferdi or Ferdz. Well, he's the rather serious type. He's married too with a daughter or son? or just a daughter? I don't know really. I actually forgot. He wakes up the earliest. By 7am or 730am, he's out of the house. I don't know exactly what the reasons are although one is for the parking space. When it comes to watching movies, he's so attentive to what the characters say. You bet, he remembers their dialogues by heart.

Then there is Rossini. He's single and I don't know or care if his status is single. We're about the same age. He's a CPA as well. The Bisdak group pairs him off with Evir, a dear friend. Although we tease them, there hasn't been a confirmed relationship between them. We heard lately he's seeing someone else. But the more important thing is he's a great "asset" in the house. Because. He owns the "entertainment showcase" - a flat and wide screen TV with the superb sound system. How will our DVD marathons go without them??? Jecel and I pray hard he doesn't move out or get accepted in another job far from Makati. We'll lose the only other thing that keeps us sane on Friday nights and weekends. *wink*

The youngest in our "household" is Jecel. She's in her mid-twenties. Not only is she the youngest in age, she's also the "smallest" physically. But despite her petite figure, you can never underestimate her. She's a good cook (our certified cook in the house), a witty woman, and so fun to be with. She's my roomie. And I'm glad she's single too (and even unattached) and loves to travel and have fun and adventure. She's now my new partner in crime.

Then there's me. I cook but not in the full essence of the word. So my contribution in the house is on dish washing, and cleaning. I don't mind cleaning the toilet.

We love the place despite the ocassional appearances of roaches and the inconsistent water flow. Why? We're a happy bunch. So far, in our almost 2 months stay, we have managed ourselves pretty well. And the best thing too is our landlady who is all good and all loving. She is the exact opposite of our former landlady. We love her. She's our dear lola in Manila.

I do hope that I'll stay in this place longer. And I will keep the same housemates. But then I don't hold their fate. One will decide to go back to Cebu or work abroad. Or maybe move to his/her own space. So I can only hope for the best for each one of us - as housemates or not.