Dearies' first trip outside Philippines

So we are all excited about this trip. One it's my first trip to Malaysia. Second, it's my dearie's first trip abroad. For this trip, I didn't make an organised itinerary. I just had a list of places to go. But one good thing is of course I booked all the accommodations in advance. One thing is sure that on the four days we are in Malaysia, we have to do Kuala Lumpur and Melaka.

In Kuala Lumpur we stayed at Myspace Inn. It's accessible via the monorail (get off at the Titiwangsa station).  Place is cheap and clean. Although the walk between the train station and the hostel is a bit creepy at night (and on weekends), it was a good find.  Just to be safe don't book the place if you're a woman travelling alone.  

In Melaka, we stayed at the Riverview Guesthouse. It's an old house turned hostel. I love the quaintness of the place. It's also situated beside the Melaka river. You can enjoy a good view of the river at night and have some beers. 

We arrived at KLIA2 via Air Asia on July 25 1030am. It was a long walk from the tarmac to the immigration counter, like it was 30 mins or more. 

KLIA2 has wifi and has a mall. So if you feel like going shopping, there are a wide range of shops to spend your money. If you're hungry, don't fret KLIA2 has lots of food choices.  We were both hungry and opted for a Malaysian meal so we ate at Kluang Station Heritage Shared. It was the first Malaysian resto that we saw. 

I had my Philippine monies changed to ringgits at the airport which was a bad idea. I know! Yet I still changed my monies there. Anyway, we had my dearie's monies changed at the city where the rates are better. 

According to the instructions of the hostel, we can either take the bus to KL Central or the KL Express train. Of course, the bus was the cheapest one. The KL express can take you 35 mins to KL Central. The bus will take more than an hour. The bus was only for 12RM per person while the KL Express would cost your 35RM per person. 

Once we got off at KL Central, we have to get on the monorail and head off to Titiwangsa Station and from there we have to walk some 3 minutes to the hostel. We just followed the directions provided by the hostel, and by asking around, we reached Myspace Inn with not much hassle. 

Tired and sleepy, and it was raining, so we didn't plan much touristy stuff.  We had dinner at Nando's, Festival City. It was one of the must do we listed. And did some shopping. :)

Next day was full packed as it was our last day in Kuala Lumpur.  It was also a Sunday, and as Catholics, we have to attend mass.

First stop was Batu Caves since it opens at 7am. We got there at 8am, climbed up the 270+ steps.

Next stop was St. John's Cathedral to attend the mass at 10ish. As expected, you'll find lots of Filipinos at the church. :)  Outside the church, you'll also see our kababayans selling stuffs. 

Now both hungry, we had lunch at this somewhat hawker center which served buffet meals. 

Another Malaysian treat. I've been eating a lot of rice on this trip. 

Right after lunch, we went around the area near Masjid Jamek: Merdeka Square, KL City Gallery (where you can find the I LOVE KL sign), Central Market, etc. 

After walking around these areas, it was time for my IKEA must do. There is no IKEA in the Philippines so I really wanted to go to one! 

IKEA in Malaysia is located in Damansara. It is not accessible via train. But there is a free shuttle bus from Petaling Jaya station. 

Well, when we got to Petaling Jaya, we couldn't find the shuttle bus. We ended up taking the cab for 25RM. No meter. :( 

Goodness, IKEA was teeming with people on a Sunday! And I was not prepared. I didn't know what to do inside an IKEA store. So we first went to the showroom. Then off to the warehouse. 

I bought the curtains I wanted to buy. We also bought an umbrella, hangers, scented candle, fridge locks. Okay, I was there for the IKEA experience. I wanted to buy other stuffs but didn't know how to find them. :( 

We took the free shuttle bus back to Petaling Jaya and headed off to KLCC for the Petronas twin towers. I love how the towers lit up at night! And of course we just had to take our pics with these grand towers. 

Now hungry, we went inside KLCC for our dinner. And again another Malaysian staple food of Nasi lemak. 

Tired and done for the day, we headed back to our hostel. 

Next day was bound for Melaka. 

It was a sunny Monday. We have to take a bus from Terminal Bersepadu Selatan (TBS) to Melaka. There were a number of buses that serve Melaka from TBS. 

We didn't book our ticket beforehand. Besides it was a weekday so we didn't think it would be that difficult. 

The bus ride to Melaka Sentral takes about 2 to 3 hours.  No stopovers.  So you better have some food with you on this trip.  

We took the 1030am trip and we got to Melaka Sentral by noon, we were famished. 

We had lunch at a Thai carenderia.  We decided to purchase our bus tickets for the following day. We booked it for 245pm. Our flight back to Manila was at 950PM. 

The hostel's instructions were simple and clear. Take no. 17 bus, and get off at the Dutch (red) square. I can't remember how much the fare was (either 1 or 2RM).  So I told the driver we have to get off at the Dutch square.

From the Dutch square, we walked our way to our hostel. Instructions provided were easy. But it was a very hot day, so the walk from the Dutch square to the hostel was quite tiring. 

Once settled in at our hostel, we decided to take the colorful trishaw rides. It's a bit pricey. It costs us 50RM for both of us. It should only be 40RM if you are alone in the trishaw. 

The ride is only for 45 mins. Actually you can opt to walk around. The places we went to are just walking distance. But it was a very hot day, so doing the trishaw was not bad after all.

After our trishaw ride, we decided to explore the malls to buy souvenirs. 

We had an early dinner at an Old Town restaurant. I had my fave Kaya toast. And we again had a feast of Nasi lemak. :)

We went back to our hostel by foot, passed by Jonker Street. If we had been there on a weekend, we would have enjoyed the night market on Jonker Street. 

We capped the day with beers by the Melaka riverside at the Riverview Cafe (also owned by the same people as the Riverview Guesthouse).

The next day we decided to just go around the center, walk up the river, and visit a few museums. Well I think we ended up visiting only the Islamic Museum. 

Then we had lunch at the best Hainanese chicken rice ball in town!!! We saw this place on our first day and was wondering of the long line of people. So we decided to have lunch here. My dearie was not fascinated with the rice balls but I was! If I had a longer time in Melaka, I would go have another meal in this place. It was only after the trip that I learned of the resto's name Kedai Kopi Chung Wah. This is situated beside Hard Rock Cafe.

Check out time at the hostel was 12noon. We took the cab instead of the bus to Melaka Sentral bus station for 25RM which the hostel arranged for us.

Since we got early at the bus station, I requested to change our bus trip from 245PM to 145PM. 

From TBS, we took the bus to KLIA2 4pm trip. Arrived at KLIA2 past 5pm and learned that our flight back to Manila was moved to 1130PM! Sigh...We had a lot of free time so we googled for options, and decided on going to Mitsui Outlet which offered free shuttle buses to and from KLIA2. 

Mitsui Outlet just opened this year. We roamed around, tried to look for cheap stuffs, had dinner at the food court and went back to KLIA2 at around 8pm. 

Spent the loose ringgits on coffee and a few goodies. 

Vacay ends. Planning on for the next one. 

Oh by the way, Air Asia plane had electrical troubles by the time we landed in Manila Terminal 4. Hmmm. What if that had happened mid air??? I'm considering not taking Air Asia ever!!! But glad we got back home safe. 

Terima kasih, Malaysia!

Dearies at One!

My dearest dearie, My love dearie

Happy 12th!

Indeed it has been a happy 12 months with you and I look forward to more days, months, and years of us together. Forever!

I am very blessed you came into my life. You made me a better person. Having you made me discover a lot of things about myself. Life has been more colorful and livelier with you around.

I am sorry for the times I have hurt you, for being 'insensitive' at times, for 'ignoring' you, for doubting you sometimes.
I'm sorry I've been selfish. I don't promise that I won't hurt you again (but I will try), know still that I love you so much. And love is about acceptance and forgivenes. I accept you for who you are - your past, your future. I embrace your being you and for what you will become. And because I know I am part of who will become in the future, I am comfortable you'll just turn out fine or even the greatest ever! :) I love you dearie!!!

Thank you for loving me deeply, and being very understanding. Thank you for being my shoulder to cry on. Thank you for believing in me and all my potentials. Thank you for listening to my stories, and all that I just like talking about.

Looking back last year when we just started 'dating' on wechat. Hahaha and our first ever date in Cebu, and then our second date in BGC, I said then to myself this is the man for me. Why? He is everything I want in my man: smart, loving, sweet, kindhearted, humble, responsible...loves books and of course loves to read. And he works in a different industry I work in. Totally different. I remember back when I was in my much younger years I said I should marry a man who is not an accountant. How boring it is to be talking about finance, accounting and numbers all the time. God grant that wish by giving me you - you're not an accountant, and you even dislike Math! I also wanted my man to come from a different province. So that when we would have kids in the future, our kids can enjoy summer by going to my province or his province! God grant that wish too. He gave me you who is from the island of Negros, from the somewhat-sleepy town of Binalbagan. hehehe :) God is good, really. He hears the desires of the heart.

What I wish and pray now is that someday we will be 'physically' together, like we would be living and working in the same city, or on a place where we don't have to spend on airfare. hehehehe. I wish you will someday go swimming with me, haha, or maybe join me at the gym. Haha. I am still hoping! :P But despite these things we don't agree on, I still love you. I really do!!!

Dearie, as my 12th month gift to you, I want you to better know me and who I was before you came. So here is my blog which I have kept for more than 10 years http://my-eyes.blogspot.com. This is unedited! :)

Happy reading!!! I love you dearie!!!

Going strong, getting there, loving more...

We're now almost one year as a couple!!! And it feels like we've been together for a long time like five years or more.

So how is our relationship going? It's going pretty well. We've had our share of arguments and disappointments.

I for a fact have discovered that in spite of the many things we have in common, we have a lot of differences too. And these differences have been our sources of arguments. Sometimes I would end up in tears, maybe frustrated. To be honest, there were times I doubted our relationship  - if it is something for keeps and something we can make it last forever. I have listened to stories of people (and friends) of their misadventures in love, of getting hurt, of being devastated.  All are horrible. But then, it made them better persons with stronger spirits. Still, I don't want our love story to end, no way! I love my guy deeply. And I have decided, I am letting him keep my heart forever, if he likes. :) I know he does! He always assures me of his love. Always. 

This is my first ever serious relationship and here are three things I have learned so far about love and relationships:

1 - Love is more than just a feeling. It is INDEED a decision as well.  It starts first with a feeling. But as time goes by, the feeling tends to fade away and it depends on how both of you do to make that feeling still fresh and new always. 

My one suggestion on keeping the love burning is - you have to be together, you have to do things together. Physical togetherness IS important. We are on a not-so-distant relationship (on the same country, on different provinces) and we make it always a point to see each other at least once a month. Not through Skype! So we make it an effort that I visit him in his city or he comes and visit me in my city. The distance is an hour and a half plane ride. Not bad. Now for couples who live on two different continents, that's very hard. Well then there is Skype. Do Skype everyday! 

The key here is you both make the decision to love each other and stay committed to your relationship. 

2 - Love came your way because you two had many things in common. Most likely. In my case, yes. We were  both timid people, quiet and a bit shy.  We both love books and travel.  But as the months went by, I realized how different we were too and these differences become sources of disagreements. And it's up to the couple how to patch things up. In our relationship, it is my guy who is good at patching things up, and making sure that these are sorted out as soon as possible. But this is not to say I am not making an effort.  I am, but my natural self gets in the way sometimes. So in the context of differences, I say, the key is respect and an open communication.  This is like Stephen Covey's  5th habit - seek first to understand, and then to be understood.

3 - Values and beliefs. It is important that your core values and beliefs are aligned. We both value family. We have good relationships with our parents and siblings.  We value money, and like fancy stuffs but know our boundaries and limits. So we don't splurge on expensive designer clothes and stuffs. We have the same religion (although we differ in our degrees of religiosity), still when it comes to discussions of religion, they are not much of a trouble to us. 

Three things for  now. And as we both grow in our relationship, and as our love deepens over time, I will learn more.

Keep on loving!

stress buster

My idea of relieving stress is book-buying. Though I don't go on a shopping spree that will make me penniless after. I just go and buy one or two books. And because today I felt bad about work so I bought something about work!

Hopefully this will take away the blues and make me a better corporate person. :)

My valentine

It was a lovely valentine's day, the most heartwarming valentine's date so far...

A yellow rose from you.

Breakfast prepared by you.

Just you being here for the weekend.

Your kisses and hugs.

Your love.

Those are enough to make me one happy woman!!! :)❤️😍😙

2015: feeling awesome

It's February. 2nd month of the year.  Love month. I haven't yet made any "new year's resolutions" but I would like to put forth what I aim to do this 2015.

I just got the promtion, officially. Happy about it and very grateful. This was not something I imagined. Well I know there will be lots of pressure around this new role but there is a shitload of learnings. I guess that's the most important part. :)) This I aim - to learn as much as I can. And here are some more:

To be brave and to be tough
To be vocal and be more opinionated
To love more and cherish relationships
To be healthy and kind and generous...

Specifically, a trip abroad with my dearie, becoming a Toastmaster again, getting back in shape, bigger savings at the end of the year. :))

Let this be the most awesome year yet!!!

lookback 2014

2014 was an immensely LOVEly year!

2014 was the year I found love, a love that is for keeps, a love that is meant to go on forever.

Thank you God for finally bringing me to the man meant for me. Everything I've prayed for my man to be is in him. Truly God hears the longings of our heart.

Career-wise, I got a jumpstart by being offered a new role that invloves training in London for 3 months! It's a big role and it means a promotion as well. Not something I actually imagined to get in 2014. Still I am grateful for this opportunity.

Because of the assignment in London, I got to travel to Paris, Amsterdam and Scotland.  I never thought I would be able to see Europe again after my 2008 travel to London. Super glad and grateful for this travel opportunity.
Before the end of the year, I got to see and step on the Great Wall of China. Good way to cap my 2014 travels!

Health-wise though I kinda failed. I gained so much weight and I have not been exercising.  Blame it on my laziness. Haaayyy!!!

Overall though 2014 was a good year! Full of love, love, love. Thank you!!!

it's just getting lovelier!

Now into our fourth month as a couple, I can't believe we've just known each other for less than a year.  But it feels like I've known you for such a long time.

I don't regret saying yes and kissing you on the 17th of May. Having you in my life is simply amazing.  Thank you for disturbing my peace! ;-)

We've only been phyiscally together for a few days, (though we spend a lot of time on the phone) but it doesn't matter much. When we're together we're just happy!

 Now we spend so much time on Skype. I miss you so much.  Being away from you for two months now is quite hard.  But thanks to Skype though we get to see each other almost everyday.  I just can't wait to go back home and kiss you, hug you, talk to you about anything, eat meals together, watch movies, and all our crazy activities!!!

Our relationship is really getting lovelier everyday. I'm glad we found each other. =) And I hope we stay together forever.

I love you my dearie!!!

The Beginning of Something New

So it's officially May 17, 2014 when I said yes to us being a couple.

So I took the plunge, I took the risk. And you said, you will take good care of my heart.

So I trust and trust you for how long God wills...

This is the beginning of something new.  Something good, hopefully...

Let's work on this together.

Every day that we are apart, I will miss you.

Yet every single day, I will love you.

Disturbance

My life is okay. It has been running well. It was generally peaceful, and then you came and disturbed it. Whether that is a good thing or not, I don't know really.  Partly yes it's a good thing.  You make me smile. You make life a lot more interesting and enjoyable.  But there's a bit of downside to this disturbance.  You're just an ordinary human being who is capable of hurting me.  You bring with you your flaws, your eccentricities which could either turn into something good or bad.  I guess I'm just afraid of pain, heartbreaks, and loss. But then again life and relationships are about taking chances and risks.

So therefore, I am taking this chance, taking this risk with you. I will let you disturb this life of mine.  Please take good care of me. Please take good care of this fragile heart of mine.

the weird things about u

i'm kinda finding it weird and at the same time surprised that the things i found weird about you, i'm starting to accept them...and even loving them. 

i still think you have a gayish tone when you talk. but this time i don't mind. and i love talking to you. i look forward to your morning greetings and goodnights. 

i still think you're sooo "loud" in Facebook but this time i don't really mind. go ahead, speak your mind. 

i still think you're sooo sappy and sentimental for a guy. but this time i don't mind. i know you're 100%  a man. not a hint of gayness in you. 

for all things i had initially thought as weird - i now find them not so weird anymore. 

i think i'm beginning to love everything about you. every weirdness in your being. 

i'm glad i found you, my weird guy. 

You and I by Ingrid Michaelson

cute cute song...

Don't you worry there my honey
We might not have any money
But we've got our love to pay the bills

Maybe I think you're cute and funny
Maybe I wanna do want bunnies do with you if you know what I mean

Oh lets get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France
Lets get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance
Lets get rich and build a house on a mountain making everybody look like ants
From way up there, you and I, you and I

Well you might be a bit confused
And you might be a little bit bruised
But baby how we spoon like no one else
So I will help you read those books
If you will soothe my worried looks
And we will put the lonesome on the shelf

Lets get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France
Lets get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance
Lets get rich and build a house on a mountain making everybody look like ants
From way up there, you and I, you and I

Lets get rich and buy our parents homes in the south of France
Lets get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance
Lets get rich and build a house on a mountain making everybody look like ants
From way up there, you and I, you and I

Keep Me In Your Heart

Shadows are fallin' and I'm runnin' out of breath
Keep me in your heart for a while
If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less
Keep me in your heart for a while

When you get up in the mornin' and you see that crazy sun
Keep me in your heart for a while
There's a train leavin' nightly called "When All is Said and Done"
Keep me in your heart for a while

Sha-lalala-lala-li-lalala-lo
Keep me in your heart for a while

Sha-lalala-lala-li-lalala-lo
Keep me in your heart for a while

Sometimes when you're doin' simple things around the house
Maybe you'll think of me and smile
You know I'm tied to you like the buttons on your blouse
Keep me in your heart for a while

Hold me in your thoughts
Take me to your dreams
Touch me as I fall into view
When the winter comes
Keep the fires lit
And I will be right next to you

Engine driver's headed north up to Pleasant Stream
Keep me in your heart for a while
These wheels keep turnin' but they're runnin' out of steam
Keep me in your heart for a while

Sha-lalala-lala-li-lalala-lo
Keep me in your heart for a while

Sha-lalala-lala-li-lalala-lo

Keep me in your heart for a while

Keep me in your heart for a while

Maybe I love you by Lenka

Maybe I love you, maybe I do
Maybe this feeling inside me is true
And if I love you, and if I do
Then maybe baby maybe you love me too

I knew I liked you, I knew I cared
And I knew that something was brewing in the air
But I don't fall easily, too many betrayed me

But maybe I love you, maybe I do
Maybe this feeling inside me is true
And if I love you, and if I do
Then maybe baby maybe you love me too

I wasn't feeling quite like myself
And something inside me was sitting on the shelf
But then you swam into my heart
And now the good step starts
Oh woo

Yeah maybe I love you, maybe I do
Maybe this feeling inside me is true
And if I love you, and if I do
Oh then maybe baby maybe you love me too

How can I know for sure
That you and I are meant for something more
And I oh, I have to go on this, this feeling inside
And I hope that I am, I hope that I am right

Maybe I love you, maybe I do
Maybe this feeling inside me is true
And if I love you, and if I do
Oh then maybe baby maybe you love me
Maybe baby maybe you love me
Maybe baby maybe you love me to

Dating Narcissism: Why We Look for Ourselves in a Partner

http://time.com/59476/dating-narcissism-why-we-look-for-ourselves-in-a-partner/

When it comes to dating, maybe you're the yin to your own yang,
The attributes of the person who “completes” us has befuddled singles for centuries: In Plato’s Symposium, a philosopher asserts that humans began as androgynous creatures with both male and female parts. The gods split each creature in half, separating one being into man and woman. The result? We now spend our lives looking for our soulmate, the one who makes us whole—though it’s unclear whether that other half is just like us or the yin to our yang.

But Plato didn’t have the luxury of examining data from dating sites. An analysis of eHarmony users by FiveThirtyEight.com this week found that while 86 percent of people say they want someone who “complements” them (as opposed to someone who “resembles them”), women and men are much more likely to message those who are similar to them not only in terms of age, attractiveness, education, race and income, but also in terms of less obvious traits like intelligence, creativity and humor. And then there’s the Boyfriend Twin Tumblr that recently surfaced, featuring gay couples that look almost identical running under the headline, “What’s sexier than dating yourself?” A similar Siblings Or Dating? website features straight, gay and lesbian couples who look like they could be related.

Both of these blogs tap that impulse to be with someone who echoes your own personality and looks. That urge is called homogamy, a marriage between two individuals who are extremely similar. For decades, we’ve been becoming more homogamous in terms of education, income, religion and even looks.

A Slate article on the Boyfriend Twin Tumblr cites a study that shows people are attracted to versions of themselves: researchers at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign altered their subjects’ faces into those of strangers and asked them to evaluate the strangers’ attractiveness. Subjects favored faces that looked like their own. Another study found that people are even more attracted to those who share superficial traits like letters in their names and birthdays with them.

Social scientists are already anxious about the amount of time we spend thinking about and looking at ourselves, what with the hours we spend advertising our thoughts and activities on social networks and the rise of the selfie. Now it looks like we’re dating ourselves too. It smacks of narcissism — and remember what happened to Narcissus, who was so entranced with his own reflection in a pool of water that he couldn’t move and eventually was transformed into a flower.

But there may be hope for us narcissists yet. Biologically speaking, we’re built to be attracted to people who are dissimilar to us. A famous 1995 study that asked women to smell the sweaty t-shirts of men found that women preferred the smells of those who were genetically dissimilar to them. (Though notably this wasn’t true for women on the pill.) Scientifically speaking, opposites really do attract. Experts have a clear explanation for our tendency towards genetic diversity: our bodies are trying to prevent us from inbreeding. Plus, parents with more diverse MHC genes birth offspring with better immune system.

This genetic diversity impulse cannot apply to gay couples where reproduction is taken out of the equation. And yet data suggests that gay and lesbian couples, too, prefer diversity in their partners. Though Boyfriend Twin may be a fun Tumblr, research shows that gay couples are actually a lot less likely to be homogamous than straight couples.

So in the end which dating impulse wins out? Our narcissistic tendencies, or the quest to diversify our gene pool?

It turns out there may be no universal truth. An October study from Rutgers University found that a specific balance of chemicals affects what type of person each individual is attracted to. People with active dopamine levels (impulsive, curious types) or high serotonin levels (social, conscientious types) tended to like people similar to themselves.  But men with high testosterone tended to be drawn to women with high estrogen and oxytocin levels (and vice versa). 

So who you fall for all boils down to how the chemicals are distributed in your brain

Secrets by OneRepublic

This time

Don't need another perfect lie

Don't care if critics ever jump in line

I'm gonna give all my secrets away

My God

Amazing that we got this far

It's like we're chasing all those stars

Who's driving shiny big black cars

And everyday I see the news, all the problems that we could solve

And when a situation rises, just write it into an album

Seen it straight to go

I don't really like my flow, no so

Tell me what you want to hear

Something that'll light those ears

I'm sick of all the insincere

I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time

Don't need another perfect lie

Don't care if critics ever jump in line

I'm gonna give all my secrets away

Oh, got no reason, got no shame

Got no family I can blame

Just don't let me disappear

I'm gonna tell you everything

So tell me what you want to hear

Something that'll light those ears

I'm sick of all the insincere

I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time

Don't need another perfect lie

Don't care if critics ever jump in line

I'm gonna give all my secrets away

So tell me what you want to hear

Something that will light those ears

I'm sick of all the insincere

So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time

Don't need another perfect lie

Don't care if critics ever jump in line

I'm gonna give all my secrets away

All my secrets away

All my secrets away

All of Me by John Legend

What would I do without your smart mouth
Drawing me in, and you kicking me out
Got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down
What's going on in that beautiful mind
I'm on your magical mystery ride
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright

[Bridge]
My head's underwater
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

[Chorus]
Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, oh

[Verse]
How many times do I have to tell you
Even when you're crying you're beautiful too
The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood
You're my downfall, you're my muse
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
I can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you

[Bridge]
My head's underwater
But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

[Chorus]
Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you,oh
Give me all of you

[Bridge]
Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts
Risking it all, though it's hard

[Chorus]
Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning
Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you

I give you all of me
And you give me all of you, ohh

Oh, it is love!

by HelloGoodbye

Oh,it is love from the first time I set my eyes upon yours thinking "Oh, is it love?"

Oh, dear
It's been hardly a moment
And you are already missed
There is still a bit of your skin
That I've yet to have kissed

Oh say please do not go
But you know, oh, you know that I must
Oh say I love you so
But you know, oh, you know you can trust

We'll be holding hands once again
All our broken plans I will mend
I will hold you tight so you know

It is love from the first
Time I pressed my hand to yours
Thinking, "Oh, is it love?"

Oh, dear,
It's been hardly three days
And I'm longing to feel your embrace.
There are several days
Until I can see your sweet face.

Oh say,
wouldn't you like to be older and married with me?
Oh say,
wouldn't it be nice to know right now that we'll be

Someday holding hands in the end
All our broken plans will have been
I will kiss you soft so you know

It is love from the first
Time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking, "Oh, is it love?"

I hope...

Your heart may long for love that is more near
So when I'm gone these words will be here
To ease every fear
And dry up every tear
And make it very clear
I kiss you and I know

It is love from the first
Time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking, "Oh, is it love?"

Oh, it is love from the first
Time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking, "Oh, is it love?"

I kiss you and I know
It is love from the first
Time I pressed my lips onto yours
Thinking, "Oh, is it love?"

Every Time - Janet Jackson

I'm afraid I'm starting to feel 

What I said I would not do 

The last time really hurt me 

Bridge: 

I'm sacred to fall in love 

Afraid to fall so fast 

Cause every time I fall in love 

It seems too never last 

Chorus: 

But every time your love is near 

And every time I'm filled with fear 

Cause every time I see your face 

My heart does begins to race every time 

One half wants me to go 

One half wants me to stay 

I just get oh so confused 

Repeat bridge 

Repeat chorus 

Repeat bridge 

Repeat chorus 

Every time your love is near 

And every time I'm filled with fear 

Cause every time I see your face 

Could it be that this will be the one that lasts 

The fear does start to erase every time 

Oh could it be that this will be the one that lasts 

For all my times 

For all my times

Habit 5 - Seek first to understand then to be understood

This chapter centres around the understanding of the other person - what they want, need and aspire to as well as what their motivations and mindset are.

Covey sets out in Habit 5 to change the way we interact with people by changing the way  that we listen to them. We need need to be non-judgemental and not make assumptions (assume makes an ASS of of U and ME remember!).

In order to reach a Win/Win situation (See Habit 4) and be able to influence people and the outcome we need to understand the other person first. I have to admit I was a bit surprised that Covey uses the term "Influence". To me it has sort of nasty, Machiavellian connotations; I think he really should have discussed a mutally beneficial outcome here (which he gets on to much later in the chapter) rather than jump right into the "benefits" of influencing people.

When we want to control or guide a situation into a mutally beneficial outcome, you can't just use technique as this will seem cold, unfeeling and manipulative. Just think ofCounsellor Troi in Star Trek: The Next Generation. When you think about it, she was a rubbish listener! Stock phrases such as "How does that make you feel?" seem hollow and automatic; they don't really show that you feel empathy for the individual at all.

Habit 5 isn't just about purely learning to listen to the other person though. It's essentially the culmination of the techniques in the first 4 habits. These habits need to be in place and understood for you to be truly able to understand and then be understood.

Generally when we listen we don't understand at all. We may think we do, but we don't - as Covey points out. Usually, when we listen everything is "understood" within our own frame of reference, a sort of "been there, done that, bought the tee-shirt" mentality. Therefore when people have a problem, or ask for advice, we see it from our point of view not theirs; we've failed to understand completely.

Unless we understand them, we can't help or influence the situation as we can't see the world through their eyes. I guess that old saying of "In order to understand someone you have to walk 100 miles in their shoes" (or something like that) should be rephrased slightly!

Covey goes on to describe 5 different types of listening styles. Generally, we only use one of the first four however the 5th is the one that we should be using:

1. Ignoring - The "La La La, I can't hear you" fingers in the ears school of listening
   
2. Pretending - The "Uh huh, Oh really? That's nice" school of listening
   
3. Selective Hearing - The "But I'm sure I heard you say..." school of listening
   
4. Attentive - The "I know exactly how you feel, when that happened to me..." school of listening
   
5. Empathic - The "And how does that make you feel*?" school of listening
   

* Although not using that exact phrase maybe!

Empathic listening isn't about agreeing with the other person, it's about understanding them emotionally, behaviourally, physically (i.e. body cues) and intellectually. You full understand their motivations and where they're coming from and this is key to building up your emotional bank account with this person. Using any of the other 4 listening techniques could (or should I say probably would) be seen as cold, uncaring and manipulative which leads to a withdrawal from your emotional bank account.

Empathic listening gives the other person an emotional boost (Covey refers to this as "Psychological Air"), they start feeling better about themselves so feel better about you and begin to open up more; you've opened them up so you can problem solve (influence - bah! - as Covey puts it).

There is a downside to Empathic listening, you have the ability to be influenced as well as influence. Going back to my Star Trek anaology again, think about the number of times Troi was taken over, influenced etc. due to her empathic nature (can you tell I like Star Trek?). We need the foundations of habits 1, 2 and 3 to be able to avoid this influence - or only accept it if we're happy with it.

As well of 5 ways of listening, there are 4 ways of responding to what we've heard:

1. Evaluate - Do we agree or not?
   
2. Probing - Asking questions
   
3. Advising - Giving advice based on our own experiences
   
4. Interpreting - Interpret their motives based on our own motives/behaviour
   

This is all well and good, but it doesn't really help the person that we're listening to, everything's coming from our frame of reference not from theirs which is at the core of empathic listening.

There are 4 stages to empathic listening, each building on the one before it. So essentially you start at step one and as they open up more move to the next step:

1. Mimic - Repeat what the other person said
   
2. Rephrase - Rephrase their comments to show that you've understood
   
3. Reflect - Put their feelings into words for them
   
4. Rephrase and Reflect - Combine steps 2 and 3
   

When the other person's response starts to get emotional - as it may do if you're at stage 4 of empathic listening - you need to drop back down to step one so that you can begin to understand again the root cause of their problem and what needs to be done to reach a mutually beneficial outcome.

As well as understanding, we too need to be understood which is the second half of Habit 5. As Covey puts it "Seeking to understand requires consideration; seeking to be understood requires courage." You need to base your desires around the other's frame of reference and have the conviction to get your points across in a way that's mutually beneficial to all parties.

Habit 5 sits right in the middle of our circle of influence. Many of the factors within this habit lie within our circle of concern - the area we're aware of but can't do anything about it - empathic listening allows us to move these items into our circle of influence so that we can do something about them.

It's also important to remember that people don't necessarily have to open up in order for you to have a deposit made into your emotional bank account. Just showing empathy and that you care should be enough.

The main thing to take note of here is that whatever you do, don't push them and try to force them into opening up to you. This will most certainly lead to a withdrawal from your emotional bank account as you'll actually seem cold, unfeeling and manipulative.

You also don't have to wait for people to come to you with problems, or notice that they're having an issue, you can be proactive and act before something comes up. For example you could hold regular 1-2-1 meetings with your team members. Listening with empathy and understanding will greatly increase your emotional bank balance and inspire great loyalty amongst your staff.

What have I learned from this chapter?

I learned that all listening is not created equal. I also learned that I'm guilty of step 4 Attentive listening rather than being Empathic as I thought I was being.

I've also learned that just because we think we may have a solution to someone's problem we shouldn't verbalise this until we really understand where they're coming from and what they want.

What am I going to do about it?

I'm really going to try and be a better listener. It's going to be quite hard not to jump in and be judgemental without a frame of reference but I will try as much as I can.

It's going to feel a bit awkward at first to use empathic listening - rephrasing other's people's sentances can have the unfortunate side effect of sounding sarcastic, and as I'm a sarcastic by nature people may think I'm taking the mickey if I'm not too careful.

If you see me with a black eye you know it didn't go too well!

http://www.flippingheck.com/7-Habits---Habit-5-Seek-first-to-understand-then-to-be-understood