I thought it was over...

I thought this "part" of our friendship is over. I thought "last year" was never ever going to happen again. I only realize now that there's this part of me that was still holding on to the past. I wasn't fully letting go. And it dawned on me now that I am just as weak as anyone in this planet earth. I am capable of breaking my own rules. I could be bad, wicked and dirty. I admit I can be blamed for why it happened again. I admit I have created a suitable and convenient atmosphere for these things. So don't blame yourself wholly. And if I decide to make irreversible decisions, and harsh, I might add, I want to say sorry in advance. It will hurt. I will hurt, too, as much as it'll hurt you. But this has got to stop. I have to stop it. Otherwise, unexpected things will happen. And I don't want to be surprised. And I don't want to say, I have regretted knowing you. Because the truth is, I am happy our paths have crossed. What I just don't want to happen is I concluding that having met you is a big mistake.

This an exciting episode in my life. It will be something that will make it's way to my life story. But I am not sure it will be something I can share to my children and grandchildren. Yet I hope I will be able to, and I just have to decide to make a happy ending to this episode. I so look forward to the day this episode ends. I know in my mind that this is up to me. Honestly, I just don't have the courage to end it, to put that PERIOD. No buts, no ifs, no commas, no semi-colons. Because I fear I might not have the tenacity to hold on to my final decision.

Please, please GOD help me...

Please, please dear friend, let me go...